So I totally slipped up, and I feel like a fool. I avoid drinking more than 1-2 drinks on an evening out because drinking leads to serious anxiety attacks the next day. Last night, however, I broke my own rules and had a bit much. Today I'm totally anxious and feeling guilt-ridden for doing this to myself. As usual, a lot of my anxiety is repetitive thinking about some past event in my life. It seems that a lot of people are anxious about the future but my anxiety is almost always about the past.
Sometimes I'm anxious about stuff way in the past. Today I am merely anxious about last night. I tend to be a pretty quiet, private person. I have a bit of social anxiety and don't typically reach out past my small circle of friends. Last night my husband and I were sitting around a fire in our back yard. I had maybe 3 drinks and decided we should invite the neighbor over. We don't really know the neighbor all that well, so right there the alcohol had loosened me up enough that I thought this would be a good idea. They came over and we all laughed and talked and had a good time. Problem is that I can't really do this without spending the next day rethinking every single thing I said in an evening and wondering over and over again if I said something stupid, hurtful, or foolish.
There is no doubt that this will go on all day today no matter how much positive thinking I try to enforce. I know that it is just one day and that I'll get through it and tomorrow will be better. In the meantime, I'm trying to forgive myself for the slip up and extending compassion to all of you who feel, as I do, that today is not a shining moment. We all have to cut ourselves a break and try to spend the day living forward.