Well, I\’m struggling (duh!) with Anxiety/Depression, and I\’m having a hard time getting out of it.
Basic Bio: just north of Portland, Maine, 44, married thirteen years, currently unemployed. February 2015 I was fired from my corporate job of twelve years for bogus reasons. Tailspin! September 2015 I returned to U Maine Augusta after twenty years and finally completed my Bachelor\’s in Jazz and Professional Music, Sonic Arts (audio recording and film-making) concentration. (I was a working musician in Boston in the early 00s) So now I\’m struggling to find a day job and trying to figure out how to make art that helps others heal.
And for a lot of the past two years I\’ve been flattened by Anxiety/Depression. Like, basic self-care suffering, irrational thoughts, irrational fear that I\’ll push away my loved-ones as a result (I do know I\’m loved and supported – more on this in a sec), bouts of …wait for it… self-medication!, going to bed at 5:00-6:00 PM… I have two friends whom I know I can reach out to, and I am doing my best.
I\’ve always toed the line between self-destruction and self-preservation. Self-destruction: said bouts of failing self-care, not being able to push away the irrationals, over-analyzing and over-EXPLAINING everything, etc. Self-preservation: highly skilled at checking myself out and making changes (hence me being here!), optimism, belief that everything will get better, accepting that I\’m loved and supported. But again, lately realizing these gifts has ceded more to self-destruction.
I’ve written about my battles for publications such as elephantjournal.com, and I”m still trying to understand and come to terms with my Occasionally Suspect Mental Wiring. And my own counsel often ain’t the greatest…
So I\’m stuck in a bad loop, and I\’m tired of doing it \”alone\”. I could use some mutual support.
So I\’m here…