So, I just got diagnosed (by a new psychiatrist), 2 days ago, with OCD, PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), and also a mixed mood disorder which is like Bipolar, only I can get depressive and manic at the same time. I also have extreme anxiety, which is partially the result of the PTSD, and partially what causes the OCD.
My main problems I have with my OCD, is my pets. Over the past 2 years (not even, actually), I have accumulated 58 pets (at times I've had more, or less, but this is the current number). I spend 6+ hours a night caring for them. OCD didn't even occur to me until my psych said so. It makes sense, when I think about it from her perspective…I obsessively spend hours on a certain thing. I can't go out of the house at night, for fear of it ruining my routine, or of it not getting done at all. I worry that if I don't get them all out for playtime, something bad will happen (they'll revolt and break out of their cages and either escape and die, or get pregnant, and it will be all my fault). I can't even think about stopping this routine, because it just feels wrong. I keep thinking "it's not OCD, I just take good care of my pets", but my friends have gently agreed with my psych, saying that my pets always take priority over them, and that something is not right. I can't stop it. Mostly because I don't want to. I'm scared what will happen if I stop. Even if they don't escape, I'll still feel like I'm not taking care of them, and that they're sad and will die young because of it. I feel so much better once I have finished my pet stuff. There is alot of anxiety while I'm doing it, but I get an immense high once it's done.
Another OCD thing I have, is shopping. I'm not even kidding lol. I get things stuck in my head that I *NEED*, and I cannot focus on anything else until I get it (it could be clothes, makeup, an animal, or even something as small as gum). I will do whatever it takes to get it, which usually involves me borrowing large amounts of money from my parents.
Another thing I do obsessively is write. I write poetry and stuff, but that's not what I'm referring to here. I will randomly fill up page upon page of the alphabet written over and over again, or my pet names written over and over again. If I mess up (word isn't written perfect, or the space between the words isn't "right"), I have to start a whole new paper. Initially I find it relaxing, until my hand starts to get tired. But I still can't stop because I have to finish and it has to be perfect.

I can handle stopping the writing, or even the shopping. That's stopping material things. My pets are living beings, and if "behavior therapy" means cutting them off cold turkey, I will spend the rest of their lives in OCD misery, because to me it doesn't seem fair.

I do get frustrated, sometimes, feel like I'm constantly doing pet stuff. I am always looking at the clock, and I have to start at EXACTLY 5:30 p.m. I hate being out past then (except for when I work, it's just delayed by an hour then), and unless I'm working I won't be out past then. I used to be able to have people over, that way I could hang out with them and still get pet stuff done, but I can't do that anymore. Because I'm worried I'll mess up on the time. If I do have to be gone, like if I'm babysitting (which is pretty much the only reason I'll be gone after 5:30), I have my mom start my pet stuff. And I call her every hour on the dot to make sure she is following the schedule.

I also have a routine AFTER my pet stuff that I follow, otherwise I can't sleep. It's gotten better though. In the past, whenever I would enter a room, I would have to check different places (behind the couch, behind the shower curtain, inside closets, etc..) twice before I could do anything. Now, 20 minutes before my pet stuff is done, I take my medicine (Seroquel and Ambien) and I turn on tv. I lay in bed and watch ~1 hour of tv, while playing Wheel Of Fortune on my phone, and I have to have something to eat and drink before I go to sleep. Before I go to sleep, but after I eat, I turn on "I Love Lucy". I have fallen asleep to "I Love Lucy" every night for the past 7 years. I cannot sleep without it. For some reason I feel safer when it's on. Then I go to sleep, and I *try* and not wake up till noon the next day.

I am just so confused about this. Everything was fine, it seems, until I got diagnosed. It's like everything I've ever loved, everything I've ever thought, is now just a sypmtom that something is wrong. I am doubting everything, because everyone I talk to about it, though sympathetic, say the same thing: "You'll be fine, just get rid of some of your pets." I want to scream "NOOOOO!" I refuse. I completely and utterly refuse. They are my life. I don't care if I don't have time for anything else. They shouldn't have to suffer because of my issue. If anyone tries to get me to stop with their routine, I will seriously flip out.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't even talk to anyone anymore, because I feel like they're all out to get me, that they all want to take away my life.

I was just so much better before I ever heard the term "OCD"… =[