When I was about 12, my dad started to show signs of OCD. He comes from a home of two brothers whom died at an early age; father passed away and mother still lives not to far from us. My dad’s OCD stemmed from a company he worked for that had asbestos on their pipes. Every day after work he would come home with files and noticed a powdery substance. My father; being the brilliant man he is, maybe to brilliant for his own good. He developed a mental notion that if he didn’t shower to rinse this "substance" off of him, he could very well pass on to us. My brother and I. What started out to be 2-3 hour showers, went to 8-12 hour showers. My dad/mom started sleeping on two different beds. My dad never wore the same set of clothing twice. He would stack gloves upon gloves over his hands. When he touched one thing; he would take off one layer of glove and use another… Hand washing increased..tensions raised…My mom was left to be the husband and wife of our home….Their marriage beyond turmoil..

Fast fwd to I am 29. I am relatively successful. Great friendships. Great family life. But one thing suffers; my relationship with men/boyfriend.

I live in fear when I am in a long term relationship. I fear of loss; it consumes me so much sometimes I rather die then face my fears. I feel as if I will never get better. I cry often and get into many fights with my current boyfriend. He has no clue what goes on in my mind. I have lost several boyfriends because of my clinginess to them. The funny part is, I am very independent. But become the opposite of what I really am when dating someone for a long time. I started going to couples therapy with my current bf. I tried taking 5 HTP. I don’t know what to do at this point. I get so anxious at work when I don’t hear from my bf. I cant think of anything else and my mind is clouded and however pressing any issue is at the moment. I am just focused on losing my bf…. This is currently affecting all aspects of my life…

I am so afraid this is going to affect me long term. It has already. I have so much to offer but I must overcome my fear? WHO will want someone like me? Shall I be lonely forever?

My dad’s OCD is still serious but not as serious as it use to be. My mom and dad now do sleep in the same bed. No touching that is… And I pretty much haven’t hugged my dad since I was 12. BOO-HOO..

I look at women with their significant others and get so sad sometimes. Its so hard for me to feel the way they do. They don’t fear loss. They trust that tomorrow their boyfriends will be there….?

Why is something so simple? So hard?


  1. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    I’d say that you might talk to an ocd therapist.  I for one was told that  5HTP was not right for me.  I was put on prozac in 1990.  It worked until this year.

    The doctor took me off prozac and put me on effexor.  I had trouble getting used to it, but it works fine now.  Couples therapy may help the relationship between you, but the problem is that it doesn’t deal with your ocd.  My reaction is to say find youself and ocd therapist that you feel comfortable with and in whom you can trust.  I would expect that under the therapist you would learn coping mechanisms and events that are likely to act as triggers which send you off into another episode of anxiety, insecurity and fear.  If I were you I’d give it a try.  Good luck, lol

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  2. apehangmom 12 years ago

     Okay what if your dad knew in his heart  that the absestos were posionious… or therorized… But what also if the knowledge was like the trigger that  broughtout the hidden Ocd.

     Some of the people here like me.. have one suituation that is almost like a Post trama episode that starts this … Its like we get ina car… but we have the same car we just drive it to differnt locations.

     Ocd can do things to a brain that you could not possibly imagine.  It alienates you from friends… It makes you feel scared in an okay enviornment..  Your going to have to work hard and feel secure .. and not let this become a jail term. I know what your thinking becasue I think that is does this to alot of people.  I have fought this but also .. have confused the relationships with bad guys and that was my gut… talking.. with good ones. But as I aged.. I figured this out.

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