and I really really like him. He's funny, he's quite sweet and he seems to genuinely care…

But, a few major issues are arising. Firstly, my sister, who I'm so close to, has a very bad opinion of him – which raises a lot of anxiety for me in terms of the future of this relationship.
Second, he's got a history of drug use – not like an addiction but he speaks openly about having done it. Plus he smokes… which isn't so bad because everyone I've been with is a smoker – even tho I'm highly opposed to it.

Thirdly, and this is my main problem right now, I think I've slightly fallen for him. Given my record I know I see too much good in people and this is my downfall. It's so easy for a guy to act a certain way to impress a girl and because I'm very forgiving and kind towards all people – I fear I may be getting taken for a ride this time around. Mainly because I know so many people view him in such an opposing way to how I see him… and this just makes me think – what if I'm wrong?

We went on a first date this weekend and it was so so brilliant. I laughed a lot and we seemed to connect somehow.

But my obsessive nature has just been playing havoc with me. He text me quite constantly ever since our date, but last night he was really upset at work – he got stressed because of his boss & he works nights so I was texting him around 2 in the morning. Naturally tho I fell asleep and I think he got a little annoyed about it. I apologised (I mean its no biggie) he was fine with it, yet he has barely spoke to me at all today :/ I know i'm being an absolute over thinking nightmare! but that's me I guess, I'm worried.

I knew that focusing on a guy would be a terrible mistake for me. It's so distracting and it messes with my emotions so badly. I can't help but picture an idea of a man and placing that stencil over the guy who shows interest… but thats not really fair, this guy proved to be more than what I imagined.

My concern now lies with the fact that he's running off on holiday to amersterdam next weekend…. such a lads holiday. I have no reason to expect him to stay loyal to me or anything like that – I just hope he would, but as much as most of me would like him to be thinking of me whilst he's away, a major part of me is trying to stay calm and accept the fact that he won't think twice and that there's every chance he does some stupid stuff.

I don't feel like I have the right to be so concern about what he does on his holiday… I haven't known him longer than a month and it wouldn't be fair for me to get like that.

And to top it all, he apparently had a very disturbing ex girlfriend who would just attack his friends and any girl who showed interest in him…. so that's a little bit frightening as i can't handle conflict of any kind!

All signs tell me, avoid this boy.
But I already have a little niggle in my core who wants to explore this mystery.

I just think I'm setting myself up for a huge fall…. and a lot of heart break, which I fear I can't handle all over again.

What to do, sit back and expect the worst? or strive forward and hope for the best?

Or… simply do nothing and try to avoid filling my mind with the thoughts I can't comprehend. This would be the optimal choice, but unfortunately I don't find that quite so easy…

Anyway, thanks for being here just as an outlet.

xx