So after hiding my disabilities, I have finally come to see them and starting to cope with them. I do not want medication because I feel that it is a crutch. And with OCD and addiction, in my opinion you are trading one for the other. I want to go into this with a clean head so I know that all my thoughts are at least my own. I know I have traits of Autism, and I am OCD and addicted to sex. Yes all three, what a hit. So not having a lot of money to have continuous office visits and co pays and put myself further into debt. I have discovered the good side of the internet, a bright more helpful side than the seedy dark side where we slink around corners looking over our shoulders and seeing if anyone is judging us or even seeing that we are in are dark deep prisons again and in hell. for a long time I did not know that I was really doing was hurting people or turning them away from me. An innuendo here or there I thought was funny would make people look at me with disgust. So after a blow out with my partner, she made me realize that I have an issue mentally. I was always kidding myself by denial and shrugging it off. Now I am on here, reading, yes reading, chatting and talking . I also realized that we can also get professional help at a push of the button.  To me ripping the mask off hurt the most, when the daylight hit my face it hurt, the shame was there, now I can look at the daylight and I have made my start to hold my head up high, it’s not easy it’s a constant battle, but I have a grasp and understanding of my underlaying issues. So to anyone reading this do not give up,keep trying  but don’t deny yourself why you are really here.  take a moment, a deep breath and realize by reaching out is the first step.It’s a big step, a hard one but you did it.

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