My hypochondria is worse than ever lately! My grandma died a few weeks ago from health issues. I've noticed a pattern though, every time someone near me gets sick I fall prey to my hypochondria as well. It's gotten awful this year. In the past MONTH (no you did not read that wrong, I said MONTH) I've been to the ER 3 different times. I have been so angry, sad, happy in a matter of weeks. I broke down crying the other night because I told my parents (whom I love dearly and get along extremely well with) I was leaving them and never coming back because I thought it was best for them and my 2 perfectly sane sisters and I wouldn't be a burden on them. That led to a bad domino effect that set my mom in tears and both of my parents wondering what they did wrong and why I hated them. It was an emotional wreck that I caused, to say the least. I've been worrying my mom crazily….and pushing her and my dad away. I've had 3 exams on my heart, bloodwork, urine analysis, probing all around my tummy, been put on unnecessary antibiotics, had my mom call my doctor at ridiculous hours, skipped school for physicals all because of this. I thought I was dying of leukemia last week. The week before that it was a kidney infection. The week before that heart failure. The week before that my blood was infected with baacteria (or sepsis). It's never-ending. Now, it's brain tumors and BREAST CANCER! I can't get a CT when I've been to the doctor countless times for a new “deadly disease” that failed to show up at the appointment. I understand breast cancer is possible, but I'm only 18 and an article on Yahoo put the idea in my mind. I'm so worried I'm pushing my family away when they care for me so much. I even changed my career ambitions to cater to this freaking obsession. Now, i want to go into the medical field. I sound so selfish but I don't know how to stop. I don't allow myself to swim anymore whether it be in lakes, pools, or at the beach because “anything could happen”. I stopped drinking diet drinks because I would get cancer and even went as far as putting a hot, damp towel over my face at night to “filter” any bacteria. I literally stopped living because I'm scared im dying. HOW IRONIC?!


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