Well I feel like I am saying the same things over and over again. I haven't found the right way to say things yet. All I know is that I want to be gone from everything but not quite dead yet. I haven't got to the point where I want to leave the whole world just parts of it. The fall that my ex's wife is still effecting her. She still doesn't know anyone and it doesn't look like she is going to get better anytime soon. I have to deal with the backlash of it because now my ex has to work two jobs to make ends meet in his house. So my girls are not going to be able to stay with him on his weekends. I got a letter the other day stateing that I have to go to court for child suport. He and I had an agreement that we would give to eachother if we had it but it was ok if we didn't. I promised him that as long as I had the girls I would not file for suport from the governmenrt because I knew that would put us in the system and he would have to pay child suport. Well for a year and a half he had the girls and for the last four or five months that they were with him, his wife and him went and got food stamps. Which put us in the system. I so mad at him I could scream. We had an agreement damn it. Now I have to deal with it. Also his stupid ass will have to pay child suport to me when he can't aford it because of his wife's problem. I don't want him to have to do it. I realy don't. I know he can't aford it and I know that if he had it he would give it to the girls in a heart beat. Other than all that My life seams to be more and more annoying to me. I want to turn it off or atleast change the chanel.

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