Do you ever just look out a window and star at the stars? I have been finding myself doing it more and more recently.. Just looking. There was a really interesting shape in the sky the other nights, with the moon jupiter and venus i believe.. it made this kind of smile. The moon was at quarter, and there were two bright stars above it making this beautiful shape. It was on the news cause it was like the solar system was smiling down on Australia. What a pleasing thought.

I have always been fasinated with the stars. When I was younger I wanted to be an astronomer. I begged and begged for my mother to get me a telescope when I was younger, but as we weren’t the richest family, i never got it. I love to just look out at the dark sky. Get lost in the stars. It makes me feel soo insignificant. I’m just on this tiny little dot called earth in this huge universe of stars, planets and Aliens.

If i am just this on this dot called earth, amongst the 6,857,402,814.00 people on this planet, why do my issues seem as huge as the universe?

As I sit here in the sanctum of my bedroom, my laptop and my head, I just wonder if there is anyone like me? Is there anyone who’s head is as confused and messed up? Does anyone else just look up at the beautiful sky and wish that they could just float away into the fastness of space? I feel so stuck in my head. Like a mouse on a spinning wheel in a cage. Even if the mouse gets off the spinning wheel, she’ll still be in the cage.

As I am writting this blog, I heard crying. I opend  my bedroom door, and there was no one there. I swear it was there, i’m sure i heard it. It sounded like a child weeping. Yet there was no one there.. maybe i’m going insane.

It reminds me of a time when I was in hospital after having a sezure at a party. I was in high school at the time. I remember being at this party, drinking having a good time, when the next thing I know i’m on the floor, with no controll over my body. I could hear everything around me. I was begging for someone to call an ambulance, but i couldn’t talk. I remember going into the ambulance, arriving at the hospital. I remember a needle, then nothing. Next thing I remember is having a needle jabbed in my back, for a Lumbar Puncture… then nothing.. Next i remember waking up with a tube down my throat, feeling like i couldn’t breathe, tubes out of both arms, a cathider and being scared out of my brain. Then nothing.. then I woke up again in a ward, with a heart moniter to my left and another machine on the right. I ended up staying in the hospital for about 10 days. I was soo dopped up on drugs, i thought i could hear people that was in the room, that wasn’t there. It was very scary. Now that i think back to that "sezure" that was put down to "stress", i’m thinking that i have been a wreck for a long time, and even back then, the drs didn’t know whats wrong with me.. i guess not much has changed in the last…what… must be 7 years.

bring on the space men I say….