right heres the deal i dont really do this kind of thing talking to complete strangers but im running out of options. you see i feel like im boring and pushing away all my friends, keeping my family away from me so they dont know how bad my mood is getting.
im sick of snapping at my parents for anything a simple mistake or request, its not there fault ive messed up my life and had to move back home. being back home is the hardest i cant be my own person anymore and i feel lonely. you see i used to live with my boyfriend lived together for three years and always had some there what truly knew me and cared about me. seeing my dad and mum together just makes it worse. i miss someone to cuddle and talk to. that went wrong with no fault of his mainly mine for being stupid and emtions that cause actions i feel are messing up my life. that will probably mess up every relationship im lucky enough to form with people being it couple, friendship or even breaking my closeness with my family. which i feel it is doing.
work is stressful ive had to claw my way to be an assistant manager of a pub . started thinking i would achieve much more till the pub got refurished. it has been the same there is a few new members of staff i cant get a long wiv i know that they are more knownable in their jobs. they are pushing me out slowly with their constant belittling. i walked out of work a few weeks before christmas and was so temped to never go back. i was only gone 15minutes but was told by the new "helper" assisant manager told me to go home and wait for my managers to talk to me the next day. i walked round the park for four hours not knowing what to do and thinking why the hell did i do it. but the bottom line is it just buil up home life, friends work everything all i wanted to do is curl up and die like i never was here.
ive still got my job thank god but managers want me to debate my future saying that staff say its like working with a different person everyday mood swings etc. i used to love my job now its just a job to pay the depressed spending
its been nearly five months since ive moved back home but i havent moved on, crying myself to sleep if i can sleep lucky my job makes me that tired lately its been easier but dreading when it goes quite. i have a new boyfriend which i dont think is helping me he is a true gentleman when im with him which is hardly ever. then dont get any communcation or anything. i feel im constantly out in the cold. from having a fulltime boyfriend a relationship which we share everything to something that just seems to be not enough. i dont think i will ever find someone that is mr right for me because im not normal
everything is depressing me its affected every aspect of my life from the way people act ,, weight, to my bank balance
ive just had enough