Well here I am yet again after drinking way too much that I need to stop! But knowing that and doing it are two separate things. I wish I didn’t have this disease,but I do. So now I’m starting over. My relationship that I have ruined may or may not be over. And usually because we’re not doing well I drink, of course. However, i guess it’s time to put on my big girl pants and take care of myself no matter who stands behind me or who doesn’t. It’s going to be hard I know how my mind formulates plots of why I must drink. The Kids stained the carpet oh I need a drink, ECT. But if i want a life were I’m really present I have to fight back or I’m going to die. So whoever is going through the same things please let’s try to be there and support each other to be who we once were, let’s get our lives back.

Day 1

I’ve had many day 1’s. The first day of not drinking usually after major binge drinking. I woke up today as my boyfriend left for work ignoring me because I was drunk last night. Then of course feeling like crap. But I did get up to drive Kids to school. Driving of course has become somewhat difficult because I typically feel kind of dizzy.  So now I’m realizing I screwed up again and my life is a mess. I hate myself at these low moments I wish I could just get it together. So now I’m going to re-read day one every day so I can remind myself why I can not drink. Because I’m a crappy person when I drink. They say we drink to cover something that’s happened in the past but I believe I drink so I don’t have to deal with life. I want to start over and see if maybe I might start liking life again.