So this is my first post. I think it's about time I've really tired to reach out. I've been going to a therapist for maybe a month and I really don't know if it's been helping me or not. All that ends up happening is me crying and leaving feeling a little better but then all the bad feelings coming back after I get back into my dorm room.
I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since my junior high days. So at least 4 or 5 years. I just recently was offically diagnosed here at my schools health center.
The therapist has mentioned a few times that I should get on some anti-depressiant as depression runs in my family. Maybe I don't want to admit I'm as crazy as she thinks I am, but I really don't want to take pills the rest of my life.
I always feel empty, like i've been hallowed out. I have a hard time leaving my room to go eat with friends, go play rugby, or really anything. Classes aren't causing me stress and I eat normally. My friends ask me to go to the local bar but I don't like being around that many people I don't know.
Maybe it's all in my head but I feel like people already have judged me when I meet them. I feel very uncomfortable talking to new people.
Not only this but I don't think highly of myself at all. Even with people telling me otherwise, I still don't like myself.
I feel disconnected from most people. My sorority sisters in my hall are all very close to eachother and go do a bunch together. I'm never invited as I'm not in their clique. I know it could just be because I don't put myself out there as much as I should, but it's really hard for me.
Okay, I guess thats enough nonsence for now.
Until next time