You would think that Christmas would have been great for me wouldn't you? And yes, it was – I did the Crib service in Church and I also served at the Midnight Mass…I also found out where I am going next year and I am excited about that too..The Priest in Charge seems really good and I will be working one day a week in the local College as Chaplain.

All this I am so excited about….. G on the other hand…well a day before Christmas eve, I rang him and I was in a fab mood, really playful etc… anyway at one point I said that I did compromise in our relationship as I always rang him and he didn't ring me…I just said 'you can't say that me phoning you isn't a compromise'

Anyway he said that he didn't care if I rang or not and that I was the one who wanted to keep in touch all the time..that with me it was all or nothing etc (which is true to be fair) Well I said 'you phone me for a change next time then' and he said 'fine' – At this point I said to him what he always says to me which was 'That'll be next year then'

From then it went from back to worse – he told me that he was fed up of my b/s and that he was going to bed….he then text me once on Christmas day saying 'Merry Christmas' and that was it.

I text last night (I had text previously but to no avail) and he said I could ring if I must…He I did..well he basically told me that I could either be in his life or not…it was up to me….that he was fed up of being a pretend boyfriend and that he wanted to be able to think about having a relationship with someone in the future without me causing him problems..

I'm sat here and all I can think is that I must be the ugliest – fattest and worthless person in the world. I must be – thats all there is to it – I'm just unlovable I think – I actually thought awhile ago that I might be lucky enough to get a boyfriend but no…I'm just not pretty or bright enough…Maybe I'll just have to get over that and forget having someone EVER tell me that I am loved…I'm so hurt you have no idea…….