Ever since I've moved out of the family home it just seems like the family is fallen apart. Sure, it's been fallen apart for years (I had fought with my Mother frequently, which was the main reason for why I had left), but it just seems far more worse. I had carried concern for this sort of thing ever since I had moved out.
Although the fighting has taken place many times before, (I can recall huge arguments between my parents where I was as young as 5), it just seems like finally, the end is near. At least for my parent's marriage. 22 years they have lasted together, and for many of those, I wondered why. A child can only cry and worry about their parents splitting up for so long – I'm not sure where I passed the stage that I actually desired for them to break up … so that their fighting would stop. So they could pursue their own lives the way they desire.
I'm not sure what the old fights consisted of. But the most recent started around 3 years ago when my Dad made good friends with a women he had worked with at a local factory. My Dad told my Mom about her right away, only to have a noticeable hostile/jealous response from my Mom instantly. Her instant jealousy sparked anger on my part – I have many guy friends, and my boyfriend and myself have never experienced jealousy or concern. Some of my guy friends have even confessed to an attraction with me. But my boyfriend and me always visit them together and we're all just friends. There's no issue. But Mom strived to sort of isolate him from this girl. She demanded that he stop buying her coffee (I guess at their work it's a common thing for all of them *guys included* to boy coffee for each other), stop texting her, and basically, quit his friendship. I think for a time, he did.
I have always worried about both of my parents. My Mom stopped hanging out with her friends, and sleeps sometimes for days on end. She'll wake up at 4 AM some nights to play online poker. She has very few friends now. When my Dad lost his first job of 18 years, I think he started feeling depressed. Soon after, his mother, my grandmother died. He felt guilty that he hadn't visited her enough. He missed her. He gained a crappy job which soon closed down as well. (It was in a steel factory). A little while later, he managed to find a new job at a local factory. He was happy. He soon made two best guy friends, and he started having a social life. I was happy for him. It's been years since I seen him with friends. At the same time, he would ask my Mother to please come out with him. She almost always refused; or made excuses, or played Poker online instead.
When my mother found out about the extra girlfriend (s), she went mad. He asked her to come out with him with them included, but she refused. Not knowing who he was hanging out with, she sought to remove his social life fron him. This also angered me because I thought Dad was finally feeling happier; and she was isolating him. At the time, her complaints regarding the girl didn't seem justified to me.
Lately, horrible news struck my Dad when he found out his food company would be closing their doors forever due to the fact that it would be cheaper for them to produce all of the food in the States. (While still claiming falsely that it was being made in Canada), it's now a few months since then, and he slowly is watching ast he company dies out. Some of his friends have found jobs, and after 8 years there, he feels stressed and sad. He has within the last two months been spending a lot of time partying and hanging with them. He has been drinking beers and I can smell cigarettes smoke. Mom claims he was smoking joints with some. In the month in which I had left, I would learn that he'd leave for hours at a time, with very vague explanations. He was also diagnosed with Diabetes, although he wasn't that fat. (He has the beer gut, but the reason he got diabetes was probably more genetic), and yeah. One day, he picked me up to take me shopping, then he dropped me off at my parent's house, then proceeded to leave for 7 unexplainable hours.
This new behaviour from my Dad has only seem to have taken place within this month. I notice that he is always texting someone. He says it's his two best guy friends which I do find believeable. I know that they are all really tight. I'm quite certain they know a lot about the issues between my Mother and My Dad. But my Mom has demanded he let her read all of his texts, and also, that he have caller display on his phone so she can see if the girl is texting him. He refuses to do either claiming that his marriage shouldn't come to this. I failed to understand why, as it may shut her up, but I also know that he maybe discussing her with his guy friends.
He confessed to my sisters and me while he took us out for breakfast one morning that he had hung out with some of his friends and some girls were there. He had lied to my mother because he knew she wouldn't allow him to go.
Then, on boxing day (the day after Christmas), my sister and my Mother got into a fight, My Mom threw a chair at her, resulting in a big bruise. My Dad got angry at her for hurting my sister (she is a year younger then me),and left for another 6 hours. My Mother has always had violent tendencies, often when my Dad wasn't home. Her violence has resulted in me being bitter and hating her. I know she's manipulative and vindictive and I hate her personality.
I side with my Dad more, because of my past in which he never hit me physically, and his devotion to my family. But I do not know now if it's possible that he maybe actually cheating on my mother. I ponder if his new behaviour is to get back at her. In my opinion, my Mom has been a bad wife – even a bad mother sometimes – and I feel for my Dad. My Mom is attractive. But she refuses to leave the house sometimes. And even though she had hurt my sister for an unrelated argument, she still thinks in the mentality that it's everyone else's thought and not her own. I feel that a relationship takes effort. You can't sleep for days at a time and the selfishly demand that your husband follow suite. My Dad is social by nature. He's always been. He needs to be with his friends. My Mom? Well, some would say her sleeping is a result of depression, I believe that it has more to do with her being on disabilty. Her lack of stability and schedule has thrown off her sleep, and her refusal to change her lifestyle has resulted in pain for not just my father, but all of us.
Yesterday, my Mom asked for divorce. We'll see if it's a bluff or not. I think i'ts best for both of us but I know that my Dad wants to make sure that my youngest sister (around 16), is alright. Being 5 years younger, she still desires a family which sticks together, and does not adjust well to change.
Ahh, lovely issues!