Other things that represent bad memories for me that I can think of offhand….the NW Airport Inn, the last job I had before the absolute Worst and Scariest bout of depression that I ever had worked it's way into my system…every time I drive by there, it's a bad memory…did working at that miserble place trigger the depression?….Or did the depression cause me to believe that working there was miserable?…..Either way, it's a bad memory, and even if I'm considered to be doing "better" in terms of the overall state of my mental health now…well, just looking at that place reminds me of when it all began, the place that MIGHT have triggered it, the enormous struggle to get to and finish my shifts working there after the depression had overcome me and was already in the process of ruining my life, ultimately causing me to lose my job there after I battled so hard not to let it affect my work performance for the last 7 months that I was there..memories of going into the back room behind the front desk or bathroom and crying my eyes out time and again, of going in the back room and laying down on the floor and just trying to sleep in hopes that the hours would finally finish crawling by and that I could leave that god-forsaken place( In case you were wondering, I would obviously do those last two things only when: 1. I was the only employee working at the front desk–ie had the place to myself because the general manager/boss, who was usually the only one ever in the back room with me, would be out of the office or not even be there at all during certain shifts 2. in-between customers or maintence people showing up at the front desk. I was always alerted to their presence via a noise that went off whenever someone would open the door to the front desk area, and they had no way of knowing what I was doing in back before they came in)…memories of a resident there who I got along with well and whom I really liked and admired, and who was discovered dead in his room shortly after one of my shifts…memories of Joe, my "mentor" and the front desk manager at the place, who taught me everything I learned there, a man whom I initially despised for his impatience and easily-triggered temper and his overall gruff demeanor, a man who I ultimately somehow managed to warm up to in spite of these ugly tendencies because I finally was somehow to take his ways with a grain of salt, even managed to find humor in it at times–that there was something that almost made him "quirky" for being like that– accepting that was just the way he was and that it was nothing personal with me because he was like that with everyone, a man who I did appreciate for those all-too rare moments when he would laugh or say something nice or funny, a man who I ultimately felt sympathy for because of the sense of world-weariness and lonliness about him, a man that I did ultimatly respect and was grateful towards for teaching me everything I know, and somehow managed to stay patient enough with me until this notoriously slow-learner finally got the hang of things(although I do think it's possible that Bill, the General Manager of the place, might have "had my back"in that regard because he was a far more patient and laid back man than Joe and he appeared to be very fond of me)…they told me he died some months after I was fired there..would have gone to his funneral had I known whereas when I first knew him and if he had died shortly after I started there, you probably couldn't have paid me to go to his funneral...it's obvious that my ADD acted up in making this particular "Part 2" of this novel-lemgth blog go much longer than I anticipated…but my point is that anytime I drive by the place, it evokes bad and painful memories of the dawn of The Darkness that enshrouded me, memories of sadness for the loss of Mike(the aforementioned customer) and Joe….as a result, I figure it's best for me to go a different route as much as possible if I need to be driving in that area–even if it means going a longer way–so as to avoid having those memories triggered, so I often do….
This unexpectedly having become a tribute to Joe, I'm deciding Part 2 will just conclude with that..apparently I had some long surpressed feelings regarding his life and death that I had to express here.
(to be continued)