So…Since yesterday I've been feeling so shitty- like that's anything new though- and completely sick, horrible stomach pains, hurling and some other stuff. so I haven't felt like writing but decided to get one out of the way.

So, Last night I was on FB and Maddie was online, She started to talk to me, and we actually had like a heart-to-heart talk. We're friends of course, we've done it before but I told her some things that i've felt and what not.

And during this time I was panicking on how she'd react, but it went well.and she also vented to me, Since she knows I'm always willing to listen and what not…She said to not keep belittling myself so much, because herself and Kim love me (as a friend) for who I am, even if I have more problems then the average person.

It made me cry, Because I still can't believe in what she said, I still feel like she's just saying that to be nice….I'm such an idiot aren't I? She even told me that she was thinking of gaining some weight, because she thinks she's alittle under weight…

How lucky is that? she's worried about being to LITTLE, about her already perfect body…and, I told her that if it was bugging her that much to maybe talk to her doctor about it…I just wanted to change the subject…

and so anyway we talked on the IM chat like all night…

Then today the pain in my stomach was HORRIBLE, so I was in my bed just wasting away in it,

i took big amount of pain medicine so that i'd feel numb and just pass out for a few hours.

Luckily though I didn't even have to think of excuses or way to hide not eating since I slept through breakfast and lunch,

and was hurling all the way through dinner,they didn't even ask if i wanted anything to eat.

They showed Harry Potter marathon tonight, so I watched that and I'm going to be watching Anime on toonami later tonight as well.

Though, I'm freaking out bout tomorrow because the sink in our kitchen has to be fixed or something so this guy is coming out tomorrow to do it…and the thought of some stranger coming to my house is freaking me out.

Plus mom being the social butterfly she is, always tries us to interact w/them whenever someone comes over.

I just hope I can escape to my room in time so I'm not even seen, that to whoever is coming to fix it won't even know I exist.

Well….I'm really not feeling good so i'm not going to keep typing anything at this point, Since i'm such a burden I don't want to waste anymore of anyone's time who is reading this.

If you read his far…thanks…anyway, Hope everyone else is doing alright…talk to you later I guess, you know…

I thought bout something someone on here said…I'm just slowly dying, it's true and i'm to weak to do a damn thing about it

  1. Sorellona 8 years ago

    The last thing you said really resonated with me..the part about being too weak. I struggle with severe anxiety and panic attacks and recently have somehow convinced myself if I was just a \”stronger\” person this wouldn\'t be happening. STOP. Both of us need to realize mental health had nothing to do with strength of personality or will. And try not to be to hard on your mom, I\'ve found people who have never experienced these kinds off issues, no matter how hard they try, can\'t really understand. Hang in there and focus on the little things that bring you peace and joy 🙂

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  2. Mo 8 years ago

    Im sorry you arent feeling well (((SBL)))) – yes one of those stupid hugs but hey at least it isnt in real life.
    I\'m glad you blogged.

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