I’m having difficulty getting back on track with not drinking. It seems like ever since the holidays I haven’t been able to go more than a day or two without needing to drink. And with all the drama I’ve been dealing with in regard to the guy I was dating hasn’t helped. I’m not really that upset that I haven’t heard from him in four days. Honestly I’m more mad than anything else. He says that I don’t know what he’s dealing with (because he won’t tell me) and that I don’t know how he really feels about me (because he won’t tell me) so I should be patient with him and give him space. So basically Thursday evening I told him he could have all the space he wanted because I was done giving a damn about him. He wants to take a job that will require him to be gone for two weeks (or more) at a time and he can’t seem to understand how that implies that he doesn’t want to have a relationship/family with us. So I pretty much told him to f*ck off, leave me and my son alone, and deal with his problems by himself. If you refuse to open up to me then how am I supposed to know what to do to help you, or at the least stay out of your way so you can fix it by yourself? Now I’m pretty much resigned to the fact that he never really cared about us, because I just can’t buy he did with all the crap he’s put me through over the past year and a half. I’m not really sure where I go from here, but I do know that if I was single for two years before he and I started dating that I can be single again and it really won’t bother me. I just hate that my son had another “almost” dad come into his life only to leave it again. It’s not fair to him that nobody wants to be a father and husband to us, but he will always have me so I have to hope/pray that it will be enough. And I hope I don’t screw things up too bad, but I guess that is one of the pitfalls of being a single parent.

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