My therapy has been going well I have made it to 5 Successful Therapy appointments so far. Each time walking in the building gets easier. I also find my self doing better with my anxieties out side of therapy such as, Eating new foods, Going new places and socializing. I find when ive been out all day even when its window shopping other things get easier. Before therapy i had an issue walking into this one frozen yogurt shop, I always ran into people i went to highschool with and im already anxiety strucken since im in public in a crowed in a line. They always asked me what i was doing now a days and i would give them short vaigue ansewers becuase i was so caught off gaurd and couldnt pay attention becuase of my anxiety. Each week after my therapy session i run into the yogi berry get my froyo and my anxiety is minimal since i just came from a situation where i was upset but able to calm my self down i call it a "success". Each little success i have leads to a bigger one. The down side to it is that whenever i am unble to follow through with going into a store or hanging out with friends i begin to doubt myself and feel more anxious and depressed. During my therapy sessions i have been keeping it light.. really havent been bringing up alot of the past im finding it harder and harder to talk about, My therapist reccomended that i write a letter to her and just talk about the things that make me uncomfortable to talk about in therapy, Ill be giving her the note next week. The good news is that i recently applied for an college that offers all their degrees online….the bad news is that i have to take a placement test in one of their facilities (im a terrible test taker when i have anxiety). Currently im applying for student disabilitiy services so i can take my test in a seperate room from others. Of course they make you jump through hoops for everything you do though. Aside from all the hoops i've been jumping through for school and with my anxiety….me and my boyfriend are supposed to be getting a place this october…. he has a really good job but it doesnt pay enough that we both can live comforably. We have been talking about the airforce more and more it seems like its a great opportunity for the both of us…Especially him he can get 43 college credits in the 99 Day tech school he attends. He would be leaving for basic in November so there would be ALOT of things to do before then including getting married before then. I would be moving to california for 6 months to stay with my brother while he was in basic and tech school. I cant decide if its all a good thing or a bad thing or if its somthing we are thinking impulsively about. I havent even been able to drive into another state in year and moving across country would mean us driving there 46 hours (non stop) I can't even imagine what is worse my fear of being in new places and so far away from home and having constant anxiety for a 4-5 day drive or flying for 6 hours (which im terrified of), And its just the begining it doesnt even include if he gets stationed in a different state from where my family is at and how i would have to go whereever he went anixety or not. Alot to decide but it feels like such short time. My moods are al over the place from Excited to leave and pack my bags see new states and live with my family who i havent seen in a few years to sad and depressed…afaid and complete anxiety thinking about my boyfriend (who is my support) Leaving me for months at a time while im in a new state and have no way to leave and even terrified to be alone at times. Alot of the benifits outweigh the anxiety but im just so confused.

2 Comments
  1. Seeshell 7 years ago

    Thank you all for your input.
    Im not thinking about the airforce and all of these big decisions lightly. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over 3 and a half years and have known each other for over 10. We have talked about marriage But financially speaking cant afford it, Originally Our thoughts were long engagement then marriage when we can afford it. Yes i am young now, So many big decisions. I am dreading being away from him but while he is doing his stuff ill be getting my degree online. I haven\'t seen my family in awhile but i will have their never ending support through it all. Everything is still up in the air but regardless if we don\'t go through with the military i was only planning on seeing my therapist for only a few more months (i pay out of pocket for it!) no insurance. Tomorrow is my therapy session i am definitely planning on talking to my therapist. The thought of all these big changes does make my stomach turn but deep down i have been Craving Spontaneity \”If not now, When.?\” Keeps running through my mind. If I don\'t do it how long will i let my anxiety hold me back.

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  2. gomizzou 7 years ago

    Hi–just came across your blog from the home screen. Sounds like you are seeing a good therapist and getting the right kind of help you need so that is encouraging. Sounds like you still have a lot on your plate obviously but just hang in there and stay strong and keep battling and you\'ll get through this all somehow. Sending you a friend request in case you want to add another one to your list–if not, that\'s okay too. 🙂
    Todd

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