Sometimes the last thing you think you deserve is the thing that makes you happiest.
I’ve always struggled with my identity. I think a lot of what lead me down this path was trying to make myself fit in to an environment that I wasn’t really meant to be a part of. It’s not that I didn’t love what I did, it just stopped being what I wanted to do after I got sick.
So five years after my near-death, I went back to school. And not to brag, but I am VERY good at it. I’d forgotten that I was because I spent so much time in a place that I wasn’t suited for anymore. But little by little I have been reminded that I am more than I thought I would ever be.
It started with an invitation to join an honor society. Cool.
And then the day before my grandfather’s funeral I found out I’d gotten on the Dean’s List.
And then the Friday after we buried him I was invited to join another honor society.
I’m going to a professional conference in my field next week.
Between all of this and volunteer opportunities, I am starting to live the life I was intended to live. It’s possible for everyone, it really is. All you have to do is set aside your idea of what your life should look like and pay attention to the hints, the signs that the path you are on is truly yours even though it doesn’t fit with what you thought it would be. Sometimes the road less taken is the only road.
And yet, despite it all, I’m not as terrified as I thought I would be to make such changes. I’m ready. I deserve this.