Hello all. It appears that I'm back on here. Well I haven't had that much anxiety but I think I had a little episode the other day. It was a little scary but I got through it. Now I'm just depressed. I actually re-read some of my old blogs on here and I predicted the worse. I predicted what I'm going through now. I wrote about how I asked God for my friends and I to be closer relationship with one another, to find a nice girl and to find a good job. Well God came through and last year was one of the best summers ever. I never felt closer with my friends because we would do everything together and they include me and invited me to everything and I had a lot of fun. I found a nice girl that seem like she actually liked me. But reading along in that same post I feared that all that would be taken away from me. That this was only going to be a temporary happiness and it wouldn't last long or somehow I would blow it. Anyways, it did happen. After summer ended me and my friends would no longer close. Me and that girl never became bofriend/girlfriend and we would become strangers. i don't know what I did to deserve this. I would never question God he has the devine plan. I do feel like asking God if I can have my friends back. If I can have girl that can keep me company. If he can take care of my family. But I'm afraid if that is asking to much. I just don't know what to do. I'm suffering right now. I've never sunk this low or maybe I have but now I just feel more depressed. It sucks feeling like you're no longer wanted. That nobody wants you. That no one wants to be your friend. That no one finds you attractive. That you're alone and all you feel is the bitter emptiness inside. That on some days you feel nothing at all. Just numbness. I want to feel happy again. I want to be that guy with all his friends around him. I want to be that guy that was talking to a girl that had a slight interest in him. I want to wake up in the morning knowing there is a possibility that I will see my friends that day and we will do something fun. Right now I feel like I'm stuck. Idk whether I should be sad crying my eyes out or mad at the people that have ditched me. I've felt this way since last night. I hardly ate at all yesterday. I'm not even hungry right now. Tribe if you can help me with some advice I would appreciate it. Thanks for reading.

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