Stuck in my mind. Detached from my body. I think of my childhood, wondering how it passed by so fast. Why does everything have to end? Sadness and tears fill my eyes, aching for the past. Aching for the countless Disney movies Iv watched. The time I spent with my siblings. I look out through my window and see the sky is as confused as I am. Rain, sun, rain, downpour. Hours pass and I sit here. The loneliness and emptiness engulfing me. Consuming my mind, filling it with heartache that I cannot escape.
I think to tomorrow. Work. How can I leave this place. I fear walking out of this apartment. Unable to say exactly why. But the unknown world scares me. Makes me uneasy with anxiety. My heart beat thunds loudly in chest. I need to speak to someone. But who. At this moment there’s no one. I have people who love me but they are so far away. And I long for their company. I wish I could be with them.
Night is approaching. I feel sad that another day has gone by. How is it that time flies so fast. It makes me so emotional. I drink tea. I have a shower. I try to eat. But I can’t shake this mood. I’m drowning in it. Now that night has arrived and I need to wind down and hope I find some sleep, the fear creeps in like a thick rolling fog of gloom. Fear of hearing a sound that means someone else is in here. Fear that someone might kill me and all I could is watch. Frozen. Every little sound makes my heart hammer. Sweat forms on my upper lip. Eyes wide in panic I cannot control my breathing. I stare into the darkness wondering when this night will end. Hoping that tomorrow will mean a better day.
Some days are easy. Some days are hard. Iv learned to endure. Please. Let tomorrow be sunny.