I'm glad to get on this site when I can.  I've gone from every day to once a month, it seems.  I'm sorry I haven't been good enough a friend to all of you and checked on everyone like I should have been.  I hope you can all find it in your hearts to forgive me for my extended absence.  I spoke to Saph recently and she updated me a bit on things going on.  I really hope everyone is doing well.

Here's what I've been doing:  To make a long story short, I had a baby on the way, but now I don't.  She had a very early miscarriage and we've been taking it easy for the past several days.  She's recovered just fine.  Mentally, she's still not all there.  Sadly, I'm finding it very hard to feel.  I wanted to cry with her, but I couldn't.  Over the years, I've found it harder and harder to express true emotions.  She calls me a cold, heartless bastard for it.  Maybe I am.  Now I really am seeking help.  She begged me as she bawled almost endlessly to seek professional help because supressing all of the things that happen in my life isn't healthy for me at all and doing so has made me calloused and cold.  I know in my mind that I lost my child.  It hurts me inside.  My outside just isn't getting the memo for some reason. 

On a lighter note, I saw Dave Matthews Band twice this month.  Once in Charlotte, NC and again in Charleston, SC.  I got in free at the Charleston show because I had volunteered to work there.  Both nights were absolutely amazing.  The whole of each night, I was singing, smiling, and dancing without end.  Best nights of my life and I got to share them with good company.  I got to hear all of my favorite songs (Except for 'Say Goodbye') and I got to be real close to the stage for the Charleston concert.  Listening to their live albums can't even hold a light to actually being there.  It was absolutely amazing.  There was pure love in the air.  It killed me to have to drive home that night, back to my chaotic world of stress and frustration.  But I will never forget those nights.  I hope to re-live them again next year.

Anyway, as always, thanks for listening to my jabbering.  I hope everyone is doing well.  I love you all.


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