Hey everyone…It's been awhile since I've written a blog entry, or since i've been on the site…

Hope everyone else is doing well, I've been the same…as always…Can't even start to think about my disorder's and self-harm shit because of this medical crap.

I've had another scope done, And they found erosion, ulcers and damage in my small intestine (it's crohn's they said) and my panaceas is also having problems, so they're doing more test for that or something.

ALSO, I found out today that they want to now remove my Gallbladder since they see problems with that as well, So we're talking about what day they want to set up the surgery, ironically the surgeon is the same one that removed my appendix a few years ago,

So, Atleast it won't be a total stranger…But my social anxiety is still fucking with me, (I'm not anxious bout the surgery, I've been under alot before for my appendix a few years ago, and I've had four different scopes…you get my point)

But, I'm losing patience with the pediatric team, Since they don't know shit, and that same doctor I feel provokes me is back this week, So i'm also dealing with that. Yesterday I had a meltdown, and just didn't want to deal with ANY of the doctors.

I didn't want to deal with them, or GI, or physical therapy, just NOTHING.

Then, there's this other doctor and I have no idea who she is or what she does, well apparently they found a pill by the door of my room, so she came in asking if I could 'handle' the pills, or if I wanted to try liquid meds instead…

WTF…I ALWAYS take me fucking pills, I take what the nurses fucking give me, so I fucking told that to the bitch, so she was like "Alright, we'll just keep a closer eye on it' she said, like she doesn't believe me!

What the hell? My hatred for people is growing, and i'm losing what little hope I had left. I don't want to try anymore, I don't want to be in the hospital anymore,

I want to just disappear into the shadows of my room and never come out, Not like anyone would care.

Anyway…..the stress is way beyond 'getting to me' I don't know how I'm even still able to type this clearly, I wish I'd just die already so I wouldn't have to wake up to this shit.

Well…I'll let you know when they decide what day will be my surgery, and let you know what the other test for my pancreas shows when they get the results…hopefully I'll be able to leave soon after the surgery or whatever.

so then I won't have to deal with so many people all the time, I'll be able to be alone, and won't be in the middle of my parents fighting (or atleast I'll be able to leave the room from it) because another thing is my mom, She's not helping whats-so-ever she's making it WORSE

Alright….Before I go on a rant about some other things, I'm going to leave it at this. Sorry, I was going to post a new drawing I finished…But I changed my mind…I just don't feel like uploading it…

Sorry…Maybe i'll post it next time, If anyone wants to see it anyway…Well, I'll see you guys later…

1 Comment
  1. Mo 8 years ago

    Sorry your are still going thru the ringer Souless. I was concerned that you hadnt been around. You keep hanging in there inspite of how you feel….thats inspiring.

    YES – I would LOVE to see your new drawing! Please!

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