I'm stuck in this town. Where I don't know anybody. Where we only have one car and I'm not allowed to go anywhere without getting 20 questions. I'm miserable all the time. I don't want to do anything. I just sit in my chair and watch tv, scroll through Facebook, and dream my life is better. I give up on taking care of myself, but make sure everyone else is taken care of. I forget to shower for several days, I forget to eat, and I don't sleep well. I don't like who I've become, but I don't care about changing. I don't like my husband half the time, he doesn't even tell me I'm pretty. Like the other day, I actually did my hair and makeup and dressed nice to pick him up from work, and he didn't say anything. Once we got home I was so down about it, I put my hair up, washed my face and got in my jammies. Why should I care about how I look then. He doesn't even notice. He used too.

I injured my lower back in 2008, I've never been the same. While workers comp paid me, not a whole lot, and I got screwed in getting disability, my back is still screwed up. I can go for weeks dealing with some pain and then all of the sudden that one disc slips a bit more and I'm fucked. I don't take the meds anymore. They make me sick. I'd rather be hurting then be feeling sick all the time. I can't control anything around me anymore. I hate that. I'm alone. Even with kids and a husband, I feel alone. I don't even want to talk to my family when they call, or my friends.

While moving to this town was needed financially, it has mentally ruined me. I'm more depressed then I ever have been. I don't enjoy sex unless I'm drunk or high. We go long stretches of time between sex. My husband is a very sexual person, and I used to be at one time.

I think about just walking out the front door and not turning back. Just leaving.

My husband gets time to himself. Leaves to go skateboarding, spends money that we don't have on skateboarding. God forbid I ask to do a small project. Something to bring me a little joy. I get told no, we don't have the money. Then I sit and watch him spend money on himself.

I'm miserable all the time. If he cheated on me, I wouldn't be surprised.