Alot- ALOT has been happening lately both on the internet (not really on this site, but a different one i'm in) and outside the internet world…

It's getting to a point were I don't feel comfortable anywhere, alot of this having to do with my anxiety.

I can't even look at messages I get without getting anxiety, Because I fear the worst.

Plus with what happened in January I'm still raw from that, and I'm starting to wonder if I should be as invovled

(Whether it be online or irl) in those things as much as I am..Because I don't know if it's going to trigger something or not,

I'm sick of feeling like a weakling- like i'm running away though…So I won't leave everything entirely…

Like blogging…I'll still do that since it's a way to vent..But i'm debating in my head on whether or not I should post them anymore…

Or atleast as much as I would post them before, I'll still be on this site and blog probably but, I'm at a very unstable point right now.

I'm able to realize that much…So until I calm down I think I might take a step back and not as 'active' in these things…

So I want to say sorry in advance if I 'disappear' or don't reply as quickly of often…

I just think that if I do just shut myself away, It might keep me from another breakdown or atleast prolong it.

As far as my panic attack tonight, it's starting to calm down thank the lord, I had to take like 4 Xanax and a valuim though…

Had a major panic attack do to my mother, attacking me over something I had no control over…

I apologize she has such a chronically ill daughter, If it were up to me, I'd erase myself from her life so I wouldn't burden her.

Anyway, On top of everything I'm fighting off the Flu- again…So I feel very drained mentally and physically you know what I mean?

and last time I had to be hospitalized becuase the flu was so bad…Pray that doesn't happen this time.

So I also think just until i'm able to fight off the flu, I'm going to spend most of my time in bed…and try to rest.

Love you all, and I'll see/talk to you later…The tranquilizers and Flu medicine are starting to make me seriously sleepy…So i'm hoping I won't have night terrors tonight and maybe it'll just knock me into a dreamless sleep.

Hope the rest of you have a good night/ rest of the week/ weekend…

See you later…. 😡 (p.s- kinda just wrote this fast and to tired to look over and fix whatever mistakes I might of made…so sorry in advance…)