~~All my life I've worked with people. I've done youth work, disability and a bit of mental health. I was dam good at it too. I'd always fall back to bar work if i was taking to many drugs or if i wanted a job where i could leave work at work. Because although you're told from the start, not to get emotionally involved in your clients lives, it's impossible not to and if you don't, then you shouldn't be in the job.
Bar work was the most enjoyable, i liked rubbing shoulders with big names in the more trendy places, and i liked getting to know the regulars and building a report with them at some of the outback bars I've worked at.
Human services was much more rewarding though, and it's a natural skill that i really admire about myself and it feels good to walk away knowing I made some kind of positive change big or small, to someone's life.
But having to get everything for myself, money has always been an issue. And I'm bad with it.
I'm now working for one of the most recognised brands in the world, the money is better than I've ever had, they threw me a car, i should be walking on fucking sunshine. But I don't like the people. They're fake and they're greedy and they're superficial and they don't seem to be passionate about anything. But am i being to harsh? Is this just my anxiety talking myself into walking away from a great opportunity?
I've always had the rule to go with my gut when ever these situations arise and I think it's always been the right thing to do. My head says suck it up. My gut says go and help some people again, it's not for you. BUT my anxiety has been directly attacking my gut this time and making me genuinely physically I'll to the point i can hardly even do the job.
Shit. There's my answer. I need to beat the anxiety before I walk away. If nothing else this will be a test of character. If i can beat this violent anxiety that's almost ruined me, while doing a job where I'm surrounded by greedy pigs, then I'll be closer to becoming the man I want to be. I need to get my head on side. Water always finds it's own level. There's good people in this city I just need to find them. I need to make a friend here. loneliness makes you stronger and all that bullshit but I've done the lonely thing. I'm over it. Right. I need to get some character back.
Stop fucking with me brain, I don't have time for your negativity at the moment.