(Just to let you all know, this somewhat describes birth…so, maybe not your cup of tea) As I was discussing my sadness with a very lovely friend that is a member here (Lolita) she asked me if I had seen a birth. She asked if I wanted to see this birth video that was explained to me in such a way that I thought I'd need to get ready to be unbelievably harmed mentally. So I watched it. What I saw was essentially what should be expected. It starts with a woman holding her baby and the look on her face is a look you can't describe. She was beautiful. And I don't just mean she was attractive, I mean she was beautiful because she was gleaming. It's hard to explain. She simply was happy. Then it cut to right before the birth, about a minute or so before I believe (right before crowning). She had a big belly and her belly button was popping out because she was looking like a huge pumpkin! She was squatting (much more efficient than the lithotomy position depicted in movies and TV) and was to the point of where the "ring of fire" was occuring (a burning sensation within the pelvic region as the baby is crowning). Then, you see the baby slowly but surely. Its head was full of hair, like it had a wig on.

She began pushing, and the baby finally was born. Then you see her face. Oh, I think that face and every other face that a woman makes in that moment is the most beautiful beauty of all in the world. There may have been blood all around and she may have endured hours of labor, but in that moment it was perfect. I cried seeing the birth of that baby. I got still, as if time stopped me in my tracks and I needed to see the baby be borne into this world. It was then my mind was free in some way. Nothing mattered but that baby. All of my tears were tears of beauty; the only way I know how to express the emotion of "beauty." The thoughts in my head were separated from me, because that's not relevent. Maybe it's back, but I think moments like those can make the most insanse of humans be perfect, if even for just a second.

I don't know why I am writing this. Maybe because I felt after seeing that birth a time of separation from me and my thoughts. They were there, but in a way, it just didn't matter. Not at all. There is beauty in this life. I'm still holding back tears. I just wanted to try to say what I felt. And, this isn't adequate enough, but it will just have to do.