Here we start another day. I wake up early in this morning determined to deal with this issue better then I did the night before. So far I feel like I am just hitting a brick wall. I wake up with thoughts pounding inside my brain. My fears start to take hold as soon as I leave my apartment. I do my best to drown them out with music on my way to work. Sometimes I just feel so guilty for things, I know can't even possibly have done. Thing like scratching someone's car to taking things home from work that maybe I shouldn't have. I know in my heart that I didn't do this, but convincing my mind is almost impossible. I sometimes pass out in exhaustion because I worry so much I just feel that it sucks all my energy out. I would just love to have a switch that I can turn on and off to think. One that stops this craziness and allows me to just be me. When I get to work, I do a great job of disguising my feelings. I try to remain upbeat and just pretend my life is always the best. Inside I feel as though I am messed up in some way. Maybe it was something growing up. My life as a child was not that ideal. My dad was always emotionally abusing us . I was not really allowed to be myself and enjoy life without fear that something I did or said would upset him. Friendships that kids make at school were fine at school, but I dare not bring those people home to my house. That was a big "No No." I think in my heart I still harbor so much anger for being cheated out of my life. I want my son to have so much more then I ever did. He is my life now and I pray everyday that God shows him that all lives don't have to be like mine.
AlexSophia88, , Anxiety, Depression, OCD, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Domestic Abuse, PTSD, Schizophrenia, Self Esteem, Sex Therapy, Sexual Abuse, Suicide, Therapist, Therapy, Weight Loss, 0
God… I know it shouldn’t bother me so much but finding out that an old narcissistic roommate is still...
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