Here we start another day. I wake up early in this morning determined to deal with this issue better then I did the night before. So far I feel like I am just hitting a brick wall. I wake up with thoughts pounding inside my brain. My fears start to take hold as soon as I leave my apartment. I do my best to drown them out with music on my way to work. Sometimes I just feel so guilty for things, I know can't even possibly have done. Thing like scratching someone's car to taking things home from work that maybe I shouldn't have. I know in my heart that I didn't do this, but convincing my mind is almost impossible. I sometimes pass out in exhaustion because I worry so much I just feel that it sucks all my energy out. I would just love to have a switch that I can turn on and off to think. One that stops this craziness and allows me to just be me. When I get to work, I do a great job of disguising my feelings. I try to remain upbeat and just pretend my life is always the best. Inside I feel as though I am messed up in some way. Maybe it was something growing up. My life as a child was not that ideal. My dad was always emotionally abusing us . I was not really allowed to be myself and enjoy life without fear that something I did or said would upset him. Friendships that kids make at school were fine at school, but I dare not bring those people home to my house. That was a big "No No." I think in my heart I still harbor so much anger for being cheated out of my life. I want my son to have so much more then I ever did. He is my life now and I pray everyday that God shows him that all lives don't have to be like mine.
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Actually gettingbetter
gettingbetter13, , OCD, Anxiety, Career, Chronic Pain, Depression, Grief, OCD, 4
It has been so long since I have written in here. But i figure if i can write about...
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None
giru, , OCD, Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, OCD, Questions, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 2
this isn't the blog i was planning on posting, but this has ocurred to me just a couple of...
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Broken
mandy86, , OCD, Anxiety, Career, OCD, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 5
I haven't written in my blog now in a while. I have been checking the site periodiacally times I...
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still a flake of dust in the storm
delane1, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Addiction, Career, Relationships, Weight Loss, 2
What makes it OK to threaten the one you supposedly love–every time you get frustrated–that you’re going to make...
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Striving for a New Life, plus a small set back
LalaBee_Rainbow, , OCD, Anxiety, 1
Yesterday I was at the mall looking for a pair of shoes to take to France. Toms were what...
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Suicide? NEVER!!!!
Luv_u, , OCD, Anxiety, Depression, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, OCD, Suicide, 1
Would you commit suicide. I would never ever ever because truth be told and honest to god I would...
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Math Exam, and big news
TwistedxKiss, , OCD, Anxiety, Career, Child, Depression, 1
I had a bad day up until this evening. I fought with my dad all the way to his...
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Filled with Hate
AliceS, , OCD, 2
I just need to be vent, but don't get me wrong; I'd love a reply to let me know...