Hi all. Newbie here.

I\'ve been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder since January 1999. Since then, PTSD, social anxiety/general anxiety and ADHD have been added. I\'ve always handled all of it, if not well at least handled it, but recent events have left me, in medical terms, freaking the f*** out.

I\'ve been an attorney since 1998, and recently got fired from a government position because I reported what I believe…and what every other lawyer I\'ve talked to agrees…was malpractice. I\'ve got a claim, soon to be lawsuit, pending, and a local news station is doing a story including an interview with me and my attorney. Who is related. I\'ll leave it there for now since none of it is public yet.

I\'ve been unemployed for four months, and I\'ve never ever been unemployed that long since I was 16 years old. Money, for a change, is not an issue so my family is not dependent on my income. I realized early on that I am completely unable to practice law, even recreationally, because even the *thought* throws me into a total panic attack. I have no idea what to do, and I am incapable of sitting idly during the day. But of course, my social anxiety makes me not want to ever go outside or talk to anyone, so I end up here all the time and have no clue what to do with myself.

I feel like I\'m driving my husband crazy (he\'s also a lawyer….see above hint hint) and am unavailable to my 3 year old son and stepdaughters, which of course makes me feel even more lost because I *know* I should be a better wife and mother and just can\'t be, so I am an even bigger failure. On top of that, as cheesy as this sounds, my career and fairness and justice are truly important to me, and being fired for trying to do the best for my client was really hurtful and painful for me. I feel like my value system has been utterly undermined and on top of that I am left unable to even do my job.

On the other hand, I\'m in a position to do whatever I\'d like, to pursue whatever I\'d like to, and I DON\'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING. I used to have ideas of what I\'d do if I weren\'t a lawyer anymore, and now I not only can\'t remember most of them, the few I can (i.e., write) I can\'t do because I am so paralyzed by my depression and anxiety.

Anyway…just reaching out there for other folks as interesting as me who get what I\'m saying. I love my husband, but bless his heart (as we say here in Georgia), he just doesn\'t get it although he tries. And I have isolated myself so much I don\'t even know how to begin digging out except in this safe and anonymous way.

Hope all reading this are well. Look foward to meeting some new friends!

Hasta,

The Bitterchick 🙂