Where do I start? I feel Like eventually I'm going to lose everything I hold dear. Latley I don't even know what those things are either. I've already lost so much in my life, such as my dad leaving my mom, Getting to love my first step-dad then him leaving, Recently my Grandpa, GreatGrandma, Houses I've lived in, Friends I've grown love, Jobs. I think in my logical mind that this is due to many different factors, not just me. Still I seem to feel I could do better, Try harder. Yet I always seem to fall short. Just tonight My current Step-dad Told me could potentually be kick out of my house because of a few sloppy habits. I know they are not that hard to do and I should be able to do it flawlessly everytime yet I seem to get caught up in my head day after day and I forget little things because I'm trying to find myself. Yet these are the things people seem to care about the most. I just need Love. I don't know where to find it Yet I see it everywhere. I just can't find the love that belongs to me. Maybe I'm just meant to suffer from myself to learn a greater lesson. I hold onto some hope of this love finding me so I can feel at home. The same feeling I haven't felt in so long. I feel so worthless. I can't even keep my family together. With all this wheighing on my I'm suposse to function normally and become a replaceable robot getting a job and making money. God how I hate money. I need someone to hear me for real not the sypathetic at the edge listening real Listining. But how am I to expect anyone else to listen to me if I can't even have the energy to do so myself. So lost. All I have is my Guitar and My mom. I play for my Jazz Band at the College I go to. I love it! I feel Like I'm losing my mother to this guy she is married to. She dosen't even act like herself around him, What kind of example does that set? So confused. I just need releif from…Everything. I see so much Beautie and I try hard to share it, Yet people seem to not want to take a few seconds to see it. Am I the only one whom sees it? Am I the only one whom can See it? I've never Writen like this before so forgive my spelling and grammer. I just feel this is one way I could find some real support. Thanks for reading this if you do I know you don't have to But I thank you for taking your time.

1 Comment
  1. sandyvee 4 years ago

    There are a lot of people who do care. Keep playing your music and writing. I understand how you feel about your mother. I always resented my mother for staying with my dad because their relationship was filled with arguments. Its not her fault she stayed, this is all she knew. Try to be there for your mom. She probably really needs you.

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