So recently my OCD has stayed pretty much at its usual level – still weird for other people and still not good for me, but nothing i can't handle.
So I get invited to go out with some friends of mine to dinner the other night. Now go out to dinner for me is a process. Find the right table and rearrange things "Just right" and THEN I can eat. My one friend who invited me knows that I have OCD – like real OCD and not "quirks" and he claims to have it as well (although I seriously doubt he has it after what he pulled that night) His personality is…well…the dick. He's the jerk of the group and everybody loves him for it it seems. You can call this guy an asshole but he wears the title proudly and readily admits to it. Well at least hes not in denial!
Anywho, so we're at dinner and I start reorganizing the table like I always do – not making a big scene of it, just a little here and a little there and usually nobody notices/care. Because he KNOWS I have OCD, he waits and watches me – like I'm some sort of specimen to be observed. Then he'll move something on purpose or make it uneven or something on purpose and tortures me with it – laughing maniacally as I begin to freak out because – well thats what I do, I get "scared". He made it a point to do this in front of our friends and they all laughed and thought Tim was the funniest guy in the world, while I was hyperventlating and trying to calm myself. Then worst of all he knows I have a germ-phobia with spit. I hate spit and I don't eat something if someone else has spit on it or touched something that was in their mouth to it or anything like that. So he grabs his spoon, sticks it in his mouth and proceeds to stir my drink with it and then licks it AGAIN and touches all my food. Needless to say I was a nervous wreck, I didn't eat and I wasted $15 on a dinner that he tained with his saliva. And everyone laughed at me and thought Tim was a funny guy for it.
I have no clue why I confided to him. He caught me at a time when I was near the edge of being severly depressed and asked whats wrong, so I told him. Now he uses it as a weapon against me ALL THE TIME! I don't know what to do, I'm not confrontational. And anytime I do stick up for myself, nobody takes it seriously especially Tim. It only antagonizes him to do it more! Ug I don't know what to do anymore.
He’d probably take it as a compliment. Worst part is that he’s the lead singer in my band – i can’t just not hang around him. I’m more of the guy who appears to let things roll off my back but internalizes everything. Beside this was a few nights ago – bringing it up now would only cause problems. It just sucks that it happened in the first place.
He’s not the first to do it either. I was homeschooled as a kid because the others would tease me mercilessly and I wouldn’t do anything about it. I would get beat up, verbally abused and made fun of all the time. My family picks on me sometimes – although never as bad as Tim, they more or less sarcastically tease me – i think to make things less awkward for other people who really don’t get it. But i’m really sick of it.
It makes me wonder who they’d tease and make fun of if I wasn’t there to be kicked around anymore?
i agree,that guy sounds like an idiot,to make u feel like that when uve gone with friends for a meal.he probably needs cheap laughs for things hes lacking in his own life,which is no excuse.i should imagine he made himself look silly by going out of his way to lick your spoon and freak you out,what a prat xxxx
This man is NOT your friend; he is a creep. Don't give him the benefit of even being civil toward him. That's my first reaction, anyway. But the fact he's in your band does definitely complicate things. You do need to find some way to address it, though. Perhaps he somehow does not realize how badly it really affects you still hang with him. Some people truly are that idiotically oblivious. Don't ask me how!
Nothing makes anxiety worse than knowing someone is purposely messing with you for kicks. I don't have much of a thing with germs usually, but I would see what he did to you pretty close to equivalent to if someone were to put meat in my food or touch meat with my silverware. I'm a vegetarian and can't stand the thought of eating meat or having it anywhere near my mouth. Sometimes I get this obsessive thought that there's meat in my food even though I know there's not. It's even caused me to throw perfectly good food into the garbage.
Thanks guys. I agree the whole thing was childish. The guy is 25 and he acts like he's in 6th grade. My problem is I have a stereotype that follows me everywhere. I'm the nice guy, the big, fuzzy teddy bear that listens to everyones problems, never expects anything in return and is incapable of getting mad or doing anything confrontational. Usually I'm happy to be that guy – its alot better than being a dick like Tim. But nobody ever takes me seriously when i try to stand up for myself. They say things like "you're too sensative" or "what a baby" and I can't help but think: I'm in college now – isn't this all just a little too immature for them? My problem is I surround myself with people like that. I was always a sucker for someone saying "I'll be your friend" no matter how bad they treated me. Apparently I must have this invisible sign above me saying "TEASE ME, PLEASE!" When I DID try to get him to stop, he blamed me and said "I was making it too easy for him to NOT do it"
As far as the band situation goes, I can always talk to my drummer about it. He's my brother in law and was actually the first person in my family I talked to about my OCD. He's understanding and , yea he can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he knows when to stop as soon as things get uncool. I can talk to him about it, tell him what happened and maybe we can start looking for a new singer. I can't work with someone who is going to publicly humiliate me, use my disease against me, and take advantage of my mellow nature so he can get a few laughs and act like "the big man"
I'm just so sick of it. I don't know who I can trust anymore. I try to open up to people like my therapist told me and this is what happens. And of course now i'm obsessing over the situation. I can almost hear their laughter as I sat there trying to calm myself, how he looked me in the eye with that devilish smile as his spit-covered spoon touched my foods with a *slap*, and when he said "OMG! He's really freaking out! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
I can't help but ask the question, "why me?" and "why do I keep going at this point?"
People like Tim have no self esteem and no good qualities, and so that's why they have to pick on others who they perceive as weaker-to feel "good" about themselves. Someone like that is not a true friend. You deserve nothing less than to have supportive friends. You have every right to let your voice be heard, and I hope you will do so, even though I know it's difficult for those of us who aren't confrontational.
I would ask Tim: Would you make fun of someone if they had a physical disorder? (even though he sounds like he probably would do that too). Hopefully your dummer can intervene on your behalf and help you find a new singer.
I hope you can also bring up your concerns with your family about them teasing you.
I hope everything works out for you.![\"\"](\"/images/smile/emo/001_smile.gif\")
thanks i hope they work out too. unfortunately tim makes fun of everyone. He's always making fun of the one girl for being really short (like 4' 11?) even though hes pretty short himself. He also is the kind of jerk who gets his laughs by making fun disabled people. when i use the term "friend" i use it loosely. really hes just my singer – for how much longer i don't know. But i'd feel like i was responsible for breaking up the band if i kicked him out.
Yes, it’s dicks like that makes me tough to confide in someone. He’s a sick individual. He will use what you confided in him against you.
Perhaps you should make fun of him for his shortcomings to make him feel miserable.