I've never said this out loud or anything because I didn't want to blame this person. The one time I did, no one took me seriously. I want to just put it down and maybe see it in a different perspective?
When I was 13/14 I began seeing a psychiatrist for depression. He was insanely awesome (or so I thought) because I could say anything and do anything without being lectured. Some things were completely wrong and usually kids are "punished" for that. I got away with all of it. He earned my trust and I felt this "bond" with him. I was 14 and didn't know any better. I had his emergency number for when I needed it and I used it! I was always being reassured and he adjusted meds a few times on the phone. I self injured a lot and got away with that. *Because of my faith, I did quit. I haven't SI'd in years* I leaned on him for everything.
I was also being mentally and emotionally abused and forced to see him. It was the "only way" they could "get me to go" (not true). I have a feeling he knew. I showed up looking like a wreck one day I was crying so hard my face was swollen. He had my mother come back after my sessions to get her perspective. He asked me if anything was wrong and I said no. I didn't want my parents in trouble. I was in my "comfort zone" even though it was bad. I was abusing drugs with my anti depressants and he knew. After two years it came out when my mom came back. He broke confindentiality and had every right too. I see that now. He told me I needed to find a new psychiatrist that they could help me better since we were going nowhere. After 6 years.
I won't lie, it hurt, I cried a lot almost like a heartbreak. Now I see a new psychiatrist and i feel like everything is crashing and breaking around me. I'm terrified. He's new. He treats me differently. He hasn;t read my chart *which is huge*. I'm not used to not having someone to fall back on. I've matured i see I did so many wrong things and secrets were kept.
Could someone tell me what a psychaitrist is usually like? What happens next? Thank you so much in advance