I’ve always found it quite odd when people complement me on being, ” Smart,” It’s a nice thing to hear, yes. But do they understand that being smart comes with it’s cons as well? Being in a consistent existential crisis, trying to live up to expectations, constantly trying to study more and more – Leading to breakdowns, questioning my worth, etc. The real fact about it is, everything has pros and cons, whether you’re behind class, or far ahead. I wish people would understand, being smart is more than just reading books. We’re more than our scores and the amount of information we all own. We’re more than what we can do. We’re more than anyone will ever know. Yet, in this world, we’re also nothing. Facts hit hard, and I wonder how many more I’ll be able to take before my stress levels rise too high.
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You are right. It has its negative sides, and sometimes is also addicting. When it stops and you are used to it this may cause big suffering.
Just consider that you may take a break whenever you want, stop when it becames stressing. Don’t care to other’s judgement.
So hard to ignore others’ expectations or criticisms of us. I’m smart. But my whole life people have underestimated my intelligence. Everything from 7th grade Science teacher accusing me of cheating on a test because I couldn’t possibly be capable of 100%… to college professor asking me if my work was “my own” because it was “very advanced” for a bachelor’s level senior… to a husband whose reaction to me scoring higher on one of those “fun” online “IQ” tests than he did was, “Oh come on! NO WAY!” And he was serious. (He’s also my ex-husband now.)
But I think I’d rather live with these under-expectations than the pressure you describe. I wish I had good advice for you. I will say that, the older I get (55 now), the easier it has become for me to judge myself by my own standards. Kind of like artists. Is your education/work at all anything that you could eventually come to view as a form of creativity, almost like art? I mean, even math can be creative, can’t it? Or problem-solving is practically an art form. At least IMHO.
Sorry you’re feeling that stress. Hope it abates for you.
Marijeane
Yeah, I agree. Also, when you think you’ve made friends, it turns out they were only using you because you were “smart.” I hate when people do this, and now I begin to feel insecure when people say they are my friebds and then as me for hw answers and stuff. I dont want to be hurt again