everyone has an edge…its different for each person but we all have one and we all know when we are dancing dangerously close to it…ive done it before and even though i hope every day to put it behind me i know i will do it again…the past week or so ive been dancing along that edge like i have wings…the one thing i never want to do is to be the drowning man who pulls someone else under with him…so the only thing i know how do do is to crawl away into the bushes like a wounded animal…die or make it through…but either way its on my own and i dont hurt or involve anyone else…the problem is on this site people care…and they worry…and they want to help…and so they worry more…so even though i figure i’m doing a good thing by staying away and not bringing anyone else down or hurting them i actually end up making people who care for me feel worse…because now they have one more thing to deal with…and that is something i never meant to do…i think this site is amazing and its because of every one of you…and i guess the thing is for me to remember that and not take it lightly…i hurt so bad sometimes and i cant deal with it…and if i come here i worry its going to hurt others…or make them never want to have anthing to do with me again….but i never meant to scare, worry or make anyone else’s life harder…i’m alive…i’m fighting…i really am trying i swear with everything i am…for me and my kids…and i would give anything to be able to take away every single moment of pain or sadness each one of you has to deal with…but in the end all i can say is im sorry….i am back and i am here and i am your friend anytime you want….thumper