Well depression affects everyone differently doesn’t it. I have been brought up from a very young age with a troubled childhood involving abuse tht is still ongoing and i hv suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome. I hv had depression for many many years and i see it as a controlling and manipulative terror. So believe me i know what it feels like. Thts why i want to help.
I would never want anyone else to feel this way, but i know some do.
The way it just takes over everything tht you feel and think. The way it physically weighs you down so u cnt get out of bed in the morning. so you cant be the person you want to be. I know how it feels and i want to help others who are going through it.
I used to drink an awful lot and every now and then i still do. It seems just the perfect way to speed up time and hide away from what you want to forget. The fact is, in the morning i feel worse, i dnt want to get out of bed and it ruins your life. Drink, Drugs, spending money, eating habbits, everything seems to know when we are weak and it controlls and takes over.
I tried to commit suicide 4 times just to be done with all the rubbish. it seems the perfect way to get rid of everything, and at the time its like something comes over you and your not afraid of the pain and your not scared of the consiquences. you just want to do it. I felt a failiure the first 3 times i tried, because i couldn’t get it right. but the forth time i had a new lease of strength tht told me to stop.
Since then i have thought about it, and im not saying i will never try again because its easier said thn done but i felt something different, i felt a little improvement, i saw a little light.
But what im trying to say is it takes time and yeah ill admit it was a hell of a long time but something happened in tht time. And now some days are better then others and we all hv to keep on working on those good days…. trying to build them up…. trying to make it last longer. and soon maybe we wont will our lives away.
But in the mean time, we have got to stick together because only we can help each other.