well here I am again writing another blog. it has been a while since I wrote one. I am sooooo mad at this point. I feel like a broken record. (That is actally broken.) I have come to the end of the road with my husband. I left him about 5 months ago. I left him because he was an agry resentful and abusive person. I know that there has to be more out there in store for my life than abuse. MY first marriage failed as well. I married twice and both were alcoholics. I was the one that stayed. I scared my boys for may-be life. I have told both of them many many times that I was sorry that I stayed with their dad and they saw the abuse. husband emotionally abused me and drank all the time and come home and had a bad temper. it was worse when he drank. I hate telling people the stories of abuse that I endured, because some people have told me that I chose to stay in the abuse. There is more to it than that. I had no job at the time. he didnot want me to work. He was hispanic and I am white. so there are two different cultures there. He wanted me to have 7 kids. we only have 2 boys. I told him that I was not a "Baby factory". I had a tubal and that was that. Today the boys dad is a different person. The judge gave him a choice."Get Sober or loose rights to your children". so that is what he did. Today the boys live an hour away from me and live with their dad. He remarried as well. NOW I have left the 2nd husband who is also hispanic and drinks. it is worse this time around. The 2nd year that I knew him he got kidney failure. He had to go on dyalisis 3 times a week. we married 3 yrs ago. we were together a little over 8 yrs. I took care of him for 6 yrs. while he has had the kidney failure. Actually they call it end stage renal disease. I had to learn all the termanology about the kidneys and learn about the kidneys so that I could better help him. I had to watch for any infections. I had to know what to look for in the event that he did get an infection. He got septic and very very ill. His blood was infected with a bacteria. he went into a coma. you would think that he might just take a look at all that I sacrifised for him. I did not work I stayed home to care for him. alot of times I did not leave the house as much because I was so worried. he got weak at one point. luckily I was there he had fallen in the shower and had a big lump on the back of his head. Just from being so weak. Now he is worse. he drinks alot. he first started with 2-3 beers. Now that I am gone his drinking has spiraled. He got abusvive so I left. I am hurt and angry. more so angery. THe anger comes from the fact that I gave and gave of myself. I did it out of love for him. now that love is gone. I did not mean to write a novel but I have to get it out some-how. you know. Now I am so confused as what to do from hear. I have NO income and a bad job history. I lost my ID cause I lost my purse at walmart. 2 yrs ago I got a buch of traffic fines and now I have a warrant. with a warant I can get my ssi check. I have looked into every-possible way or means to get the tickets resolved but the only thing that I was told was pay them or sit in jail for a month or a little more. I also can not renew my license. They are suspended. I really want to take care of this before the holidays roll around. The tickets equal 2,500. They told me that my payment plan would be 430.00 a month until it was paid in full. That's alot of money. Some of the tickets. I was involve an accident that I had had. I mean I am in a rock and a hard place at this point. Please some-one give me advise on theis matter.




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