This weekend was full of ups and downs. I hope the ups happen again sometime, though they were out of the ordinary (for me).
The down that became an up: (background info) So when I get really down, I want to crawl into a corner and hide. For me, this is a particular corner in the kitchen that I wedge myself into all burritoed up in a giant blanket and just hide for en extended period of time. It's by the lazy-suzan cabinets, so I call these Cabinet Nights. they suck and I feel crappy afterwards, but luckily they're not too frequent.
So Friday was a Cabinet Night. I was miserable and moping and the usual mess, wishing all to hell someone, anyone, would come. And holy sh*t, for once, it actually happened. Some aquaintances from out of state were going to some event near my house and wanted to use my apt as a place to stay, instead of spending $$ on a hotel room. I had forgotten about this until the called and said they were half an hour from my place. It was such an emotional 180.. but I leapt up, tidied the house a bit and put out towels, etc, so it wasn't obvious I completely forgot. I vaguely recalled the arrangements being made, but I somehow had figured they wouldn't really show, but they showed on a night when I REALLY needed to not be alone. I'm thankful for it.
I went to work the next day, wiped as usual after a Cabinet Night. The people went to their event and returned late that evening. Sunday, they took me to lunch as thanks for hosting. It was the first time in a couple years I've been to a "nice" restaurant. I used to love going out to eat, so I missed it dearly and was glad to go. After lunch they left.
Anytime something nice happens, I usually crash when I realise the suckitude that I get to return to. I'm fighting the crash, and with that much emocoastering going on in a weekend, I'm wiped out.
I think I might have also decided to move, though the prospect of job-hunting and moving out of state alone scares the ever living crap out of me… but I'll save that stuff for another post.
My best friend (who lives very far away, alas), texted me a snippet of a song lyric. I wanted to share it. Idon't knowthat I'd find love everlasting, but the message is beautiful. Even if you take out the words "love everlasting", it's still a beautiful quote for when the mind wanders to the dark places.
"In love everlasting hold tightly to the spark, when the darkness surrounds you remember who you are. I've found it here always and I hope you find it too, in love everlasting, the angels are standing next to you." – Angelus Everlasting by Cruxshadows