as much as i say i had an easy childhood, i can't help but think i was ignored in a way. i used to get things if i asked for them (not spoilt) but i dont think it was much more than to keep me amused by myself. this hasn't really changed much as an adult, i work with my dad and i feel like he treats me badly as a member of staff just so he doesn't favour me. this in effect is pushing us away, he doesnt barely speak to me socially in or outside of work.

when my son was born back in 2010 i called my dad (12:30pm) after he didnt reply to my texts (around 6am) to come to the hospital because my son, he was in the pub with my mum, i got a congratulations and the standard questions: how are they, the weight etc and before i knew it, he needed to leave because he was playing snooker. he didnt come to visit till the next day which was too late by then because adam was in i.c.u because low sugar levels. they could barely see him through the incubator and the tubes all over his little face.

if i ever have money troubles, he is there with his wallet, when i needed to move into the new appartment he was there to help but he is always cut off emotionally, i think this stems from his childhood of a broken family of a army father who moved on and a mother that moved around due to new loves, my nan always gave love because she had nothing else to offer, my grandad on the other hand was very strict.

i dont know what to do with my dad, i have tried so many times to bond and talk about the issue, i have even carted his golf clubs just to bond but there was nothing there then and there is nothing there now.

financial help isnt everything, hence i hence i have found it more satisfying to struggle. i dont want to loose a bond with my wife and son like as a relapse of generations before.


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