Sorry if you've read my blogs and are confused by my rambling posts from awhile ago. I wanted to keep them because they're a small snapshot of where I was and how I felt then. It gives me a better ideaif I'm improving/getting worse/staying the same.

I recently just started back up with therapy. I've been very on again off again due to moving frequently, but hopefully we're in a semi-stable place now where I can continue to go. I've only had my initial assessment & first visit so far, but I am encouraged. Thankfully, my therapist has a similar professional path so at least she is able to empathize with some of the stresses I have been experiencing. She suggested going back to my family doctor to get back on medication until the psychiatrist is able to see me (approx. 2 month wait…ugh). It shouldn't be a big deal, but I haven't switched family doctors yet so mine is still a half hr or more away. I'm also dreading it because the last time I went, I was prescribed meds but I just stopped them. Abruptly. The thing you're not supposed to do. Unfortunately,I have a history with doing that I guess.

I was first treated w/ Prozac which was working wonders for OCD and depression symptoms but my dose kept getting increased and increased and increased. I stopped because I was having racing thoughts and decided it just wasn't working afterall. Looking back, I now wonder if the dose just didn't get too high. Maybe it had worked well but I just needed less. I was on Klonopin also while on Prozacfor my panic attacks (great in theory) but I was having panic attacks while driving and if I took one before driving, I'd feel too sleepy. If I didn't, then I would already have myself nearly calmed down before remembering to take the pill & waiting for the effect.

I then moved on to Luvox & had myself convinced that it worked. I don't know why I stopped…maybe in the move and all…anyway, this is what I had requested from the doctor the last time I went. She prescribed it to me, but after a month I was so frustrated that I wasn't noticing any results or changes. I don't know what to do. I hate going in and saying that I stopped taking it instead of telling her it wasn't working. I feel embarrassed but I guess I must. That appointment is scheduled. I also have one with my therapist next week.

I am constantly on the road for my current job & that's not good with my OCD. The job itself is stressful but with all of my craziness, it's downright insane. I have to come up with a better way to manage these symptoms or find another job. The job I have is good, so I really really am working hard at this.Here's to the road to recovery! Or manageability! I'll be okay with either 🙂