So I have been working through a ton of emotions lately. The last week since I have joined this group have been an emotional rollar coaster. I have felt like I was living in my own prison.
I am excited to start my therapy with my counseler. She uses EFT and I have also signed up for a 4 week class that is entitled "Overcoming Obstacles." I guess because OCD is all about guilt and thoughts I have been avoiding the thoughts and just having the guilt. The last week has forced me to think about the thougths. This makes me way more anxious!! I know everyone on here hates their OCD and feels like the biggest freak. What I didn't realize before I joined this group is that there were other people with Pure OCD, especially sexual obsession. I had convinced myself that I was the most horrible, evil person in the world. With help of my therapist I want to be able to laugh at my obsessions and not let them define me.
All my problems stem from my terribly low self esteem. I know my weight is a reflection of how I feel on the inside. I can't handle being this large anymore. I try to not eat so much, but my appetite is so large. I've been hungry my entire life, even when I was super slender. I just tried an appetite suppressant; I believe it is working. It's called HodiTrim and it's all natural, 100 % Hoodia Extract. Same stuff the Bushmen in Africa used to ward off hunger. I used to suffer from Binge Eating, which I've managed to overcome. Now it's just my appetite and knowing when to stop eating. And not eating so much fast food. When I think about being this big for the rest of my life I feel like I'd be better off dead. I am getting married next September and I want to look and feel beautiful on my Wedding Day.