OMG these last 3 days have been a rolercoaster of emotions. I saw this coming really, I am pregnant with baby #2 and have been dealing with lots of tears and a heightened case of my ever lingering OCD. I have PURE-O. And lately it’s been so nagging and trying to tear me down. God I really thought i was over this. It’s been a YEAR since it affected me this badly. I want to be done with it. I always hope everytime I get better from it that i have learned some better coping skill just in case it hits that hard again, and then BAM! I feel back to square one. Medication is NOT an option! And though i am currently trying to find a counsler, it is really hard to make an appt. in this big city. I am also full of guilt because i’m not even living with my husband at the moment because he works so long that I am stuck at home, just me and my 2yr. old carless leaving me pleanty of time to freak. So here i am 2 hours away at his moms for the company wan security of having someone around in case I freak (to what extent i don’t even know, but losing my mind and hurting my family is a HUGE fear i developed even before i had one, i’m talking like 5 yr’s old). What bugs the crap outta me is when im feeling good, i’m feelin soooo good. On top of the world, a pillar of strength. So i amlways flipped out by how easily this seems to take hold of me. I can’t even thouroly (sp?) enjoy this pregnancy because im always focused on trying to calm down to not stress the baby. Plusm oh yeah my new Pure-O anxiety that i would freak one day and commit suicide ruining all those lives of those I love. Yeah, back to square one. I just needed to get this off my chest. I am getting out of the house often and dealing with normal life ok, just never without a pounding heart. Any suggestions? I really need the strength to get back home to me ever understanding husband that needs me.

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