Therapy didn’t work. I fear that my compulsions are getting worse. I’ve let some worsen while working on the dehabilitating ones. So far so good.  Thanks to all who administered advice before.  I took all comments to heart, and truely worked on myself with them. 

My compulsions have left me bitter towards more than I thought possible.  I now am irritated by the littlest of things.  Especially things that should be in my control that usually are that seem to slip through my fingers. I worry that I will lose my wife and what little friends I seem to have left.  I"m fearful of turning into a person I hate, and who drives the people I love away from me. Now I have compulsions about my relationships as well as the mundane bullshit that is everyday life.  People now?!  Are you fucking kidding me?!  Now I have routines and compulsions in fear of the people in my life either hating me, or finding me weird and leaving me.

My wife is unfortunately caught in the middle of this shitstorm. I feel bad for her. It can’t be easy dealing with me.  I feel that I’m losing my identity to OCD. I used to be able to just take a day for me and chillax and I’d be okay for at least a week or two.  Now I can’t find anything that makes me relax to that point anymore. 

So far I’m still socially okay.  But constantly worried that people will see my compulsions and flee from my presence. 

Okay, listening to myself talk – if this is me in a mellow mood what would a bad mood be?  Fuck… Sorry to anyone who reads this and thinks I’m a whinny asshole.  I just needed to vent a little.  Thanks for being there.  Off to the Grind again.  Good luck to everyone else.  Hopefully your lives prove to be filled with warmth, love, happiness, and excitement! 🙂