In the news today there was an awful story about a mother and her baby in San Antonio. I won’t go into further details because, honestly, it would hurt to write it out. Sometimes I lament that I’m much too sensitive for a guy, and it would be difficult for a girlfriend or a wife to understand the things that bother me. Sometimes I avoid the news because all of it seems bad – the most sensational stuff is always at the front. The hard part is that the OCD I have takes that and runs with it and starts and endless stream of questions: What would cause someone to act so violently? At what point does their sanity cross that threshold? And before I know it, it’s dominating my thoughts, spinning in a hamster wheel in the back of my skull as I go about work or talking with others. 

The past couple of days I’ve pushed myself to look harder for a job, to work out more, and stop procrastinating (if procrastinating were a sport I’d get Olympic Gold, even if everyone else was using performance-enhancing substances [what’s performance enhancing for procrastinating? weed?]). I’ve done pretty well, but I feel more run down and start begging my brain for a break so I can stop and read my 2hr /day news habit. I’m hoping that as I make better habits I’ll start feeling better, and I’ll stop battering myself for no reason. 
I am going to therapy once a week – there was a point in time where I would go until I felt just good enough to get back into life but not enjoy it. This time I’m hoping that I stick with it to resolve some really hard self-esteem issues. Well, I’m off to the gym. Thanks for listening!
2 Comments
  1. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    Good luck ro you, I am sure you will get through it.  As far as procrastinating goes, take it up with your therapist.  You many not be ready to do that yet. Take care, we’re pulling for you.

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  2. brittegamache 12 years ago

    i think sensitvity is a wonderful trait . too bad your ocd makes you feel so bad i get like that too. i avoid the news as much as possible. i think you are very sweet.

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