I have a goal for you.

[Check bottom of blog.]


Yesterday, an episode occurred through selfish thinking. I was on Myyearbook [which, as known, has many risque profiles and "attention whores" as well as "whores" and wannabe "whores." And edited or not, I kept on noticing the photos in their forum's "Rate Me" posts.  How beautiful, gorgeous everyone was. I felt sorrow, I was absolutely envious.

As people, that weren't born with looks as their greatest asset, we have to deal with that. We can cover it up, get plastic surgery, but naturally-we're just not as lucky.
It feels horrible, how one can be so fortunate.
And why do we have to feel this way in the first place?
Why does [America] bring us up this way, shoving ideal beauty into our faces, making us hate our bodies and hate ourselves, just for the purpose of marketing?
Why can't we just live in a world we feel welcome in? A world we feel comfortable and beautiful in, a world where inner beauty is everything, as compared to the extremely less important outer beauty?

Today, I was listening to a song about love. And I started sobbing, I kept on thinking about my sexual abuse, how skeptical I am.
I will never trust men. I will never be comfortable if a man [or woman?] were to caress me lovingly. I will never believe they have any other goal rather than lust. I will never fall for the bull shit of "the one," I will look with disgust at every relationship I see.
I don't want true love, because it's a scam, it doesn't exsist. It's a lie, and in the end-it fades away. We blind ourselves with lies.
How do we fall in love?
Some say…love is…immaculate when you're touched by it. Your significant other is everything, perfect and never causes you unneccessary hurt.
Others say that love needs that hurt to survive.
Dear favorite uncle, I love you dearly, but I'm afraid that I'll end up like you, single your whole life. But you're happy, aren't you? Living it up in Hawaii, skydiving, deep-sea scuba diving, enjoying life absolutely.
That sounds like a nice life to me.
I forgot how I was going to close off this blog post.


Happy wednesday, everybody.

Start making plans for a fun 4th of July-just for me, alright?

I want all of you out there, enjoying life. Somehow. With friends, family, watching the fireworks [or avoiding them?,] whatever makes it fun for you.


1 Comment
  1. sshowalter 11 years ago

    Thanks sosgirl for the reminder about the weekend!  I will be out with some (new) friends, which brings me a little worry since I don't know them, but we'll see. 

    The love discussion- we all spend so much time thinking and over-thinking and contemplating and wondering and worrying and fretting and hoping the wishing and disbelieving…we read things that say love is perfect and others that it'll always hurt, and some that say to wait for the best thing to come along and others that say it never will because it doesn't exist….I've ended up taking the mindset of the following when it comes to the "right" answer:

    Who the hell knows?


    PS, I take comfort in realizing that that's the secrete…no one know the answer…no one. We're all searchers.

    0 kudos

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