Music. Sad; Very sad music. That's all I hear. I can't seem to be able to feel better. But everything is going great. I broke my moms kitchen window last weekend. I said it was an accident, but I hadactually done it on purpose. But that wasn't enough for me. A knife. I saw a sharp steel object in my hand. I wanted to cut so badly. And I did. I cut myself. Now I've broken a promise. A few days later I do it again. Now I'm wondering how it is that I'm supposed to explain this to him. He won't be happy with what I've done. I promised him I wouldn't do it. Hopefully he doesn't notice them. I'll just make sure the light in the bedroom stay off. I'll keep myself out of bed in the morning next time I visit. Keep my shirt on. I'll have to make sure that Travis doesn't see it either. He'll tell him about it. Maybe I can come up with an excuse as to how I got them. I'll tell him it was the broken glass. I slipped and fell on my arm where the pieces of glass were.Danny is smart. Hopefully he won't catch my lie. He always knows when I'm lying.

Our anniversary is tomorrow. I got selfish a week before our anniversary. I should have at least waited till after. Then it would have been a bit more acceptable for me to cut.

A few weeks ago he told me to get some help. But I don't need any help. I've tried and nothing seems to help. But they can. They both keep me happy when they're around.

Cutting myself has made me feel worse. I've broken a promise that I made to my partner. Promises mean a lot to him.I should never break a promise.

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 9 years ago

    Lies do not belong in relationships. I've listed some books on bipolar that make this illness understandable. Promises that are part and parcel of your illness may not be possible to keep. I do hope you have a therapist, are on meds, and that the effects of the meds are monitored on a regular basis. You may really need his help. You notice that one of the books she writes about bipolar and suicide. Don' t food around. get help! A loved one need to be educated in your illness and  hopefully with his additional understanding he can support you as you go through the rollar-coaster ride.

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