@MissBe : It went a lot better than I expected due in large part to the fact that we ran out of time. =D

The reason I was so panicked was because he was really grilling the first groups that went. The idea was to know your material inside and out which is really hard when you're just learning. My group did their project on the school's magazine which is very unique – there are no other magazines in the entire United States like this one. I won't give any details away because then everyone would know precisely where I am but it's really an amazing paper.

So right there, I felt pressure to do it justice and yet I am terrible with print production workflow. It's a very important topic but I find it just as bland as it is important. Isn't that usually how it goes? We didn't really do enough research and I'd say, while we learned a lot, we missed way more. This frightened me because even though the first few groups seemed to be doing a good job, he still managed to grill them and even remarked, "The idea is to know the information on your slides." It was actually the most cutting remark he's made all quarter and it upset me.

Group after group went, all of which had more information than us, and I got worse and worse. My partner even looked over at me and mouthed, "Oh my God"…

On top of the lack of information, we were also missing a partner and had no way of knowing if she'd show up on time or not due to a scheduling conflict with another one of her classes. I was tense the entire time – we didn't have her information and wouldn't be able to answer any questions regarding her part of the presentation even though we're supposed to know everything. So that was making me tense, too. I must have looked behind me about half a dozen times to see if she had come in at any point during the other presentations.

I think what made it really bad though was the fact that my crush was sitting right there in the third row in plain sight. Besides the fact that I'm still stuck on him (I thought I'd gotten over that…seeing someone in person though kinda ruins that "I don't care" attitude…), he's also the one who gave us a tour of the printing facilities on campus. He gave us a ton of information and I retained almost none of it. I have a bad memory and I learn from doing (repeatedly), not listening. I thought, "He's going to think I'm stupid. He's going to think he wasted his time on us. He put an hour or so of his time into showing us around and we came away with nearly nothing…" There's also the whole being rejected/ignored on Facebook thing. He adds a new person every day or so (yes I'm still checking him out *sigh*) but hasn't bothered with me. And yet when I looked up while presenting today, he was looking at me and when I caught him, he looked away. I can't tell if there are mixed signals or if I'm creating them in my head but I'm banking on the latter. I just keep wondering, "Why reject me when you have 340+ friends and add new ones every day? What did I do?"

Yeah, I've come to realize that rejection is something I'm not good at dealing with… I think it ties in with my Social Anxiety so that's something I need to work on. This whole day basically revolved around my SA. I know those who read my blogs might have thought, "Wow, it's just a presentation…" but I was near hysteria…okay, I was probably outright hysterical… I felt like crying for the better part of an hour and a half and got so upset that my chest became congested (I always cough when I get really worked up) and I got a headache and started to heat up. I contemplated pulling the professor aside to just come right out and say, "Dude, I have Generalized Anxiety and Social Anxiety and you are killing me here. -_-" Buuut that caused me even more anxiety soo…I didn't.

It got so bad that I was afraid to move. I thought about getting a drink but was afraid to get up and draw attention to myself or miss something important. I only got up when the professor gave us a 5 minute break. =/

Oh well, it's over now and I can rest. My crush won't be returning to school for 6 months and I might not even be here when he does so I should have plenty of time to get over him which is good – what girl needs someone who is so confusing hanging around in their head all the time?


Leave a reply

© 2023 WebTribes Inc. | find your tribe

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account