So tomorrow is the last day of the three weeks within which my dad was supposed to be given the op date for his lung cancer. Mum is going to call the hospital. To be honest, so far, his care has been poor. I don't know how to go about getting him treatment for his paranoia and possible schizophrenia, and am waiting to see how he does after his op. I am planning to discuss it with his consultant. I know he will hate me for it, but he treats everyone but me horribly. And he is ill. If he were taking medicationfor it, he may actually have a chance to feel genuinely happy and stress-free for once. I love him very much, and the whole thing is stressing me out 🙁

My daughter is away with her dad. After years of opting out because she was inconvenient to him, he has finally made an effort. Since he has been with his other half, he has become a much nicer person and better father. I love her for it. But now, ironically, I have to sort my fiance out as his bad temper often leaves Monica feeling she can't put a foot right, and she is a very good girl. I have decided that until he starts counselling, I am going to be responsible for disciplining her. It's not up for discussion. When she spends time alone with me she is happier and far more confident. So it IS him causing her anxiety.

We have no money, and things are going to get worse. I am trying not to stress too much about that. Sometimes it feels as though I am the only one who tries to fix things though – my chap could take a course, or get a wage-free apprentiship, but wont. I know I can do a course and get a reasonable wage after, but I resent it as I have a baby and feel I ought to be home with him. It just feels as though my chap mopes and moans all the time, and does f**k all about it. He says he is desperate for work, but wont do work for free where it would really give him a chance. I bloody would. I work for free as it is – he wont take vitamins or his IBS meds so is poorly alot, and I end up doing everything. I just feel so angry and frustrated alot of the time. 🙁


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