I was having a pretty sour mood yesterday, and I ended up locking myself in my room with my dad's CD player and the burned copies of Children of EdenI got eight months ago. Wierd enough, it not only helped my attitude, but also reminded me of some things that I have to do if I want to heal. The only thing is, it requires that I go meet some people at my old high school if I want to take the step forward.
All this time I've been bitter could have been prevented, but it's never easy to look back into your past and attempt to fix what you feel like you can't. For one, I don't have a support system anymore thanks to my attitude pushing my parents and sister on the brink of oblivion more than once, since I don't want their support in the first place. For another, it means having to apoligize to more than one person. The most important one being someone who was a light when I was in despair.
And, yet again, that person is female. Still, it's not hard for me to laugh at it, considering that we were good friends. The only frustrating part is that, without her by my side, I've felt as though the whole world is against me, when in reality it's me trying to take the entire world on my own. Call me crazy, but I don't intend to lose someone so precious to me, yet I don't think I can face her until I can at least stand on my own feet.
I may not be able to rewrite the past, but if I'm going to have a future, it's time that I start creating the story I want to live instead of letting others do that for me. I think it's also time I stop this ridiculous job hunt, seeing as it's gotten me nothing anytime soon. I want to go to college, more to escape my family from telling me what to do than to take that first step, but it's a step I can and will make. I've already had a rough start, so now it's time to finish the race. Liberty is calling me.