A while ago I attempted suicide, I’ve also done self harm from time to time for release. I guess that sounds strange. Hurting ones shelf to feel better. I certainly haven’t had any luck explaining it to the people in my life. After the attempt I did a few weeks in the hospital and was told I needed to rely on the people in my life as a support network. Thing is no one wanted to face the fact that anything was wrong to begin with and after that fact they all started demanding to know exactly everything. Problem was they didn’t really want to hear it. Instead of the support network they are suppose too be when I told friends and family what was going on with me things that happened what was going on in my head and the things I had done I was treated like a criminal under the interrogation spotlight. With bad cop worse cop picking apart every lit thing I said twisting my words making no attempt to understand what I was trying to say only attacking me with accusatory tones and glares, like I was doing it all just to seek attention. After that experience I just shut down. Shut my mouth, locked up tight refusing to say anymore. Now they say “So how are doing?” “What’s up?” “How are things?” Fine… the only response they get… it’s the only one they want to hear. I’m falling apart, my heart is racing, my mind is screaming,…but as far as they are concerned I am fine. They get mad time to time when they realise I was not telling them the truth and ask why I did not tell them the truth or come to them when I was in crisis. How do you turn to someone that makes you feel on trial every time you open your mouth?

1 Comment
  1. Uncle_Nigel_Owen 12 years ago

    I'm very sorry because that is a terrible way to have to live.  I stayed sewn up for many years about my problems and found that I got nowhere until I could find a way to open up about it and be received.  Sometimes, it's not even about the other person helping you solve the problem, it's just that they're letting you know that it doesn't make you a freak or a bad person.  What we really need at times are people in our lives that can let us know that it's okay to feel the way we do, and that they want us to feel better if we don't like the way we feel.

    The problem is, it is difficult to find people that understand if they haven't been through it themselves.  Even therapists can have trouble because on its face, most anxieties are illogical, and in fact, most times, the people that suffer them know that they don't make any sense.  That's what is frustrating and why it helps to have people to talk to about it.  There are people here that will listen with no agenda other than we want someone to listen to our problems as well.  You can chat with me sometime if you like or just start picking random people that seem to have things in common with you and send them a message.  Maybe you'll get a response and maybe you won't, but if you do, it could be the start of a support network here online.

    Good luck. 🙂

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