Am I the only one who feels like this with their intrusive thoughts? It goes away for awhile or isn't really bad and then it gets bad again, and you tell yourself "No, it's different this time". To explain myself better, my HOCD thoughts and everything that comes with has come back in full force…(If anyone else has dealt with or deals with this type of OCD, your feed back would be great)…so awhile back I said I would stop using porn because as I've learned it is like a drug and your use and what you view escalates and for someone with OCD this is definitely not good. Anyways I sort of relapsed and got back into the habit of it and regular porn doesn't do anything for me, and it eventually turned to 'transexual' porn and I became concerned because my intrusive thoughts were bad again and anytime I saw a guy there would be an automatic 'sexual' thought/image, and they cause me distress, even if the guy is ugly it doesn't matter. To make it worse I've been trying to watch gay porn sometimes to see if I get any response and somtimes I will get a groinal response and it makes me upset, and I'm worried I'm losing my attraction to women. I still know if a women is attractive or not but I'm getting nophysical response or anything and that scares me. My whole life I've been attracted to women, I've fallen in love with women, have only ever had crushes on women, but now I'm going through my entire past and doubting everything. Some of the intrusive thoughts I'm having are different than before so I'mworrying that I actually am gay because "this time it's different"and I can't be with women anymore and it makes me really upset. I also missed taking my meds for a week or so…. all of this is really distressing. I'm going to try to completely avoid porn again…it's hard with this compulsive need to check…

1 Comment
  1. MrSAYITAGAIN09 8 years ago

    I appreciate your feedback. It's embarrassing to talk about this stuff but good to get it off my chest and hear useful feedback.

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